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I feel like I have a hangover, without all the happy memories and mystery bruises.

Ellen DeGeneres

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Ellen DeGeneres
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 26
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Presenter
Screenwriter
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Metairie
Louisiana
Ellen Lee DeGeneres
Comedy
Happy
Funny
Bruises
Without
Hangover
Feel
Mystery
Feels
Humor
Like
Memories

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I think gender plays a part in most things, but I don't know how it would be different because I've never been a man. And my fame is different from Nicole Kidman's or Sharon Stone's. I think everybody's fame is different.
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You know that song that asks, Why do fools fall in love?? I think the obvious answer is because they're fools.
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People always ask me, 'Were you funny as a child?' Well, no, I was an accountant.
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Honestly, we'd probably be great parents. But it's a human being, and unless you think you have excellent skills and have a drive or yearning in you to do that, the amount of work that that is and responsibility - I wouldn't want to screw them up! We love our animals.
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The only thing that scares me more than space aliens is the idea that there aren't any space aliens. We can't be the best that creation has to offer. I pray we're not all there is. If so, we're in big trouble.
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When people show me clothing that seems very, very feminine, it's hard for me to embrace that, because it just doesn't feel like me.
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It's a lot of work to put a brand-new monologue and a brand-new show on the air and find comedy every single day. It's challenging and it's the hardest thing I have ever done, but it's the best-suited thing for me. The more relaxed I get and the more confident I feel, the more I get to play and be myself...
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It feels good. Kinda like when you have to shut your computer down, just sometimes when it goes crazy, you just shut it down and when you turn it on, it's okay again. That's what meditation is to me.
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I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's called marriage. I don't care if it's called, you know, domestic partnership. I don't care what it's called.
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I think we need more love in the world. We need more kindness, more compassion, more joy, more laughter. I definitely want to contribute to that.
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The stand up, everything was accidental. I never grew up and was the class clown and had to get the attention. It was - it really is, I have a career despite myself.
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If we lose our phones, we lose our phone books. You don't memorize numbers anymore.
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We all feel like idiots at one time or another. Even if we feel we're cool 98 percent of the time, that 2-percent doofus is poised to take over our bodies without any warning.
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A circus! 100 clowns of injustice have climbed out of the tiny clown car of this court room.
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When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistakenly thought that if I was famous then everyone would love me.
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Come on, if you don't win tonight it doesn't mean you're not a good person, it just means you're not a good actor.
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The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.
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I'm a lesbian, an Aquarian, and a vegetarian.
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What you look like on the outside is not what makes you cool at all. I mean, I had a mullet and wore parachute pants for a long, long time, and I'm doin' okay.
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You know me. Any excuse to put on a dress.
Ellen DeGeneres