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I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren't a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, I would really go over there and grab those signs and smash them over their heads and shove them up their asses. But...I'm a loving, spiritual person.

Ellen DeGeneres

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Ellen DeGeneres
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 26
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Presenter
Screenwriter
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Metairie
Louisiana
Ellen Lee DeGeneres
Think
Weren
Thinking
Violent
Asses
Loving
Shove
Spiritual
Smash
Persons
Grab
Person
Signs
Really
Ass
Would
Heads

More quotes by Ellen DeGeneres

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Sometimes you can't see yourself clearly until you see yourself through the eyes of others.
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Don't you hate when people are late to work. And they always have the worst excuses. Oh, I'm sorry I'm late, traffic. Traffic, huh? How do you think I got here helicoptered in!?
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I had a really tough time for a few years. My show was gone. My phone wasn't ringing. There wasn't one job offer. And at that point, I thought I knew for sure that I wouldn't work in Hollywood again.
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I just like observing people - it's something I've done ever since I was a kid, and I got really good at it. That's a big part of why I became a comedian. My audience is filled with every kind of person you can imagine, and I love that.
Ellen DeGeneres
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We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, 'I have a problem with procrastination, too.' I said 'Really?... Get my sandwich.'
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It feels good. Kinda like when you have to shut your computer down, just sometimes when it goes crazy, you just shut it down and when you turn it on, it's okay again. That's what meditation is to me.
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Normally, I try not to pay attention to my haters, but this time I'd like to talk about it, because my haters are my motivators.
Ellen DeGeneres
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I'm a lesbian, an Aquarian, and a vegetarian.
Ellen DeGeneres
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Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path and by all means you should follow that. Don’t give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass. Don’t take anyone’s advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.
Ellen DeGeneres
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Nothing says holidays, like a cheese log.
Ellen DeGeneres
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I love clothes, so when I wear clothes, they're usually somebody's. You know, I'm not wearing Kmart.
Ellen DeGeneres
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I do have ADD and in real life, I'm all over the place and can hardly focus. If we were talking for, for more than an hour or so, I'd start drifting off... I can't sit still too long.
Ellen DeGeneres
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I get to do stand-up every single day. I love that live energy exchange between the audience and myself, and to get to say the things I want to say and comment on.
Ellen DeGeneres
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When we were growing up our parents somehow made it clear that being famous was good. And I mistakenly thought that if I was famous then everyone would love me.
Ellen DeGeneres
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My cat, Ethel, is an indoor cat but somehow she's sneakin' out at night. 'Cause the other morning I found a stamp on her paw... I wouldn't have noticed myself, but I just bought this new black light and she passed right under it and I said, 'Hey, what's that on you paw?
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We stock up on popcorn and candy like we're crossing the Sierras, don't we? I'll have a couple of soft pretzels, a hot dog, Milk Duds, Snocaps. Is that the largest popcorn you've got there, that bucket? You don't have a barrel or anything like that? Do you have a donkey or a pack mule or anything? - Oh, and a Diet Coke.
Ellen DeGeneres
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I do it because I love animals and I saw the reality. And I just couldn't ignore it anymore. I'm healthier for it, I'm happier for it. I can't imagine that if you're putting something in your body that is filled with fear or anxiety or pain, that that isn't somehow going to be inside of you.
Ellen DeGeneres
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The stand up, everything was accidental. I never grew up and was the class clown and had to get the attention. It was - it really is, I have a career despite myself.
Ellen DeGeneres
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People are constantly asking Portia and me if we are going to have children. We thought about it. We love to be around children after they've been fed and bathed. But we ultimately decided that we don't want children of our own. There is far too much glass in our house.
Ellen DeGeneres
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Honestly, we'd probably be great parents. But it's a human being, and unless you think you have excellent skills and have a drive or yearning in you to do that, the amount of work that that is and responsibility - I wouldn't want to screw them up! We love our animals.
Ellen DeGeneres