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We're told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews?
Ellen DeGeneres
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Ellen DeGeneres
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 26
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
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Screenwriter
Talk Show Host
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Television Presenter
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Metairie
Louisiana
Ellen Lee DeGeneres
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Front
Jew
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Jews
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My cat, Ethel, is an indoor cat but somehow she's sneakin' out at night. 'Cause the other morning I found a stamp on her paw... I wouldn't have noticed myself, but I just bought this new black light and she passed right under it and I said, 'Hey, what's that on you paw?
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We went to lunch and were talking about procrastination and the waitress overheard us and she said, 'I have a problem with procrastination, too.' I said 'Really?... Get my sandwich.'
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Why is it that when you wipe up dust its called dusting but when you wipe up a spill its not called spilling? Just something to think about.
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I don't want to get the same looks I give people when they get on a plane holding a baby: That's a cute baby, just keep walking, keep walking, keep going, keep going.
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My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.
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So many people prefer to live in drama because it's comfortable. It's like someone staying in a bad marriage or relationship - it's actually easier to stay because they know what to expect every day, versus leaving and not knowing what to expect.
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I still have the shirt I wore my first time on Johnny Carson's show. Only now I use it as a tablecloth at dinner parties. It was very blousy.
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There's no one way to dance. And that's kind of my philosophy about everything.
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Baloney is just salami with an inferiority complex.
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I collect old portraits. They're all just interesting pictures of people, and you just kind of wonder who they were and what they were. There's a guy - I don't know who he is, but he's wearing a suit. He's got his arms folded, and he looks like he sold insurance or something. I'm just wondering why someone painted him.
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I like sitting at outdoor restaurants it would be nice to go someplace on the street and not worry about somebody taking my picture while I'm about to take a bite of something.
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You know, radio DJ's must really love to talk to theirselves. Especially when they have the graveyard shift. 'Hey this is Ellen with 89.1. It is currently three in the morning. There are few cars on the road. And it your still listening heres a little music to get you to dance.
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I'm going to be kind, because then it all just kind of spreads, and the world is a little nicer out there.
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You're gonna be ok, dum de dum dum dum, just dance.
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It's a lot of work to put a brand-new monologue and a brand-new show on the air and find comedy every single day. It's challenging and it's the hardest thing I have ever done, but it's the best-suited thing for me. The more relaxed I get and the more confident I feel, the more I get to play and be myself...
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Honestly, we'd probably be great parents. But it's a human being, and unless you think you have excellent skills and have a drive or yearning in you to do that, the amount of work that that is and responsibility - I wouldn't want to screw them up! We love our animals.
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I see those picketers, and I think you know, if I weren't a loving, non-violent, spiritual person, I would really go over there and grab those signs and smash them over their heads and shove them up their asses. But...I'm a loving, spiritual person.
Ellen DeGeneres
