Quote

You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.

Ellen DeGeneres

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Ellen DeGeneres
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 26
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Presenter
Screenwriter
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Metairie
Louisiana
Ellen Lee DeGeneres
Happens
Make
Never
Spelled
Ass
Assume
Assuming

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If we lose our phones, we lose our phone books. You don't memorize numbers anymore.
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I don't know who had the bright idea of teaching pneumonia how to walk, but I'd like to find that dunderhead before he decides he wants to teach it how to drive.
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I love clothes, so when I wear clothes, they're usually somebody's. You know, I'm not wearing Kmart.
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It makes a big difference in your life when you stay positive.
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The only way a no-legged leopard could hurt you is if it fell out of a tree onto your head.
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You know that song that asks, Why do fools fall in love?? I think the obvious answer is because they're fools.
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For someone like me, who loves to sweat and push herself, it's a challenge to slow down, to sit, to breathe and hold poses.
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I used to beat myself up about weight and working out, and no matter what I did I never felt good about myself. I decided to accept myself and know that I am good.
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What did the letter O say to Q? Dude, your dikk is hanging out.
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You just have to keep driving down the road. It's going to bend and curve and you'll speed up and slow down, but the road keeps going.
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Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?
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My cat, Ethel, is an indoor cat but somehow she's sneakin' out at night. 'Cause the other morning I found a stamp on her paw... I wouldn't have noticed myself, but I just bought this new black light and she passed right under it and I said, 'Hey, what's that on you paw?
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It's such an honor to receive the Mark Twain Prize. To get the same award that has been given to people like Bill Cosby, Tina Fey and Will Ferrell, it really makes me wonder… why didn't I get this sooner?
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I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules.
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Take a nap in a fireplace and you'll sleep like a log.
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That woman in the shampoo commercial - she's happy. She's... she's too happy.
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Never follow anyone else’s path, unless you’re in the woods and you’re lost and you see a path and by all means you should follow that. Don’t give advice, it will come back and bite you in the ass. Don’t take anyone’s advice. So my advice to you is to be true to yourself and everything will be fine.
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Some people believe that to find happiness, you should live each day of your life as if it's your last because that way you will appreciate every single moment you have. Other people believe that you should live each day as if it's your first because then every day can be the beginning of a new journey.
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Honestly, we'd probably be great parents. But it's a human being, and unless you think you have excellent skills and have a drive or yearning in you to do that, the amount of work that that is and responsibility - I wouldn't want to screw them up! We love our animals.
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I had a really tough time for a few years. My show was gone. My phone wasn't ringing. There wasn't one job offer. And at that point, I thought I knew for sure that I wouldn't work in Hollywood again.
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