Share
×
Inspirational Quotes
Authors
Professions
Topics
Tags
Quote
I don't need a baby growing inside me for nine months. If I'm going to feel nauseous and achy when I wake up, I want to achieve that state the old-fashioned way: getting good and drunk the night before.
Ellen DeGeneres
Share
Change background
T
T
T
Change font
Original
TAGS & TOPICS
Ellen DeGeneres
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: January 26
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Presenter
Screenwriter
Talk Show Host
Television Actor
Television Presenter
Television Producer
Voice Actor
Writer
Metairie
Louisiana
Ellen Lee DeGeneres
Good
Night
Months
States
Humor
Need
Inside
Nauseous
Feel
Achieve
Fashioned
Feels
Growing
Drunk
Needs
Getting
Wake
Going
State
Nine
Way
Funny
Baby
More quotes by Ellen DeGeneres
No one is perfect, except for Penélope Cruz.
Ellen DeGeneres
I would love to have the same rights as everybody else. I would love, I don't care if it's called marriage. I don't care if it's called, you know, domestic partnership. I don't care what it's called.
Ellen DeGeneres
I cannot believe they haven't yet come up with a better screening process than the mammogram. If a man had to put his special parts inside a clamp to test him for anything, I think they would come up with a new plan before the doctor finished saying, Put that thing there so I can crush it.
Ellen DeGeneres
We're told to go on living our lives as usual, because to do otherwise is to let the terrorists win, and really, what would upset the Taliban more than a gay woman wearing a suit in front of a room full of Jews?
Ellen DeGeneres
Do things that make you happy within the confines of the legal system.
Ellen DeGeneres
I think people need to laugh everyday. Whether the economy is good or bad, I think the most important thing is to laugh and to feel positive, if you are laughing at something positive. But if you are laughing at mean jokes then it's a wash.
Ellen DeGeneres
[Airline food] is the tiniest food I've ever seen in my entire life. Any kind of meat that you get - chicken, steak, anything - has grill marks on each side, like somehow we'll actually believe there's an open-flame grill in the front of the plane.
Ellen DeGeneres
I don't know who had the bright idea of teaching pneumonia how to walk, but I'd like to find that dunderhead before he decides he wants to teach it how to drive.
Ellen DeGeneres
Do we have to know who's gay and who's straight? Can't we just love everybody and judge them by the car they drive?
Ellen DeGeneres
I'm going to be kind, because then it all just kind of spreads, and the world is a little nicer out there.
Ellen DeGeneres
It feels good. Kinda like when you have to shut your computer down, just sometimes when it goes crazy, you just shut it down and when you turn it on, it's okay again. That's what meditation is to me.
Ellen DeGeneres
I'm sure men have their own ways of trying to demean one another, but women can be very gossipy and judgmental, and that doesn't help.
Ellen DeGeneres
Laugh. Laugh as much as you can. Laugh until you cry. Cry until you laugh. Keep doing it even if people are passing you on the street saying, I can't tell if that person is laughing or crying, but either way they seem crazy, let's walk faster. Emote. It's okay. It shows you are thinking and feeling.
Ellen DeGeneres
The thing everyone should realize is that the key to happiness is being happy for yourself and yourself.
Ellen DeGeneres
You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.
Ellen DeGeneres
I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules.
Ellen DeGeneres
Have you seen the deer heads on the walls of bars, the ones wearing party hats, sunglasses and streamers? I feel sorry for them because obviously they were at a party having a good time.
Ellen DeGeneres
We all feel like idiots at one time or another. Even if we feel we're cool 98 percent of the time, that 2-percent doofus is poised to take over our bodies without any warning.
Ellen DeGeneres
Beauty is not between a size 0 and a size 8. It's not a number at all.
Ellen DeGeneres
Though you feel you're not where you're suppose to be, you shouldn't worry because that next turn that you take, it will lead you to where you wanna go.
Ellen DeGeneres