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For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.

Elayne Boosler

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Elayne Boosler
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: August 18
Actor
Comedian
Brooklyn
New York
Means
Carton
Mean
Wiping
Men
Lipstick
Preparing
Milk
Single
Company
Woman

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What do hookers do on their nights off, type?
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I have always put my own money into Tails of Joy. For years, every time a dog walked by, my husband would say, 'There goes our beach house.'
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I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.
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Every time we help an animal, we are healing ourselves, over and over.
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I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.
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I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
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I can tell by your eye shadow, you're from Brooklyn, right? . . . Me too. My mother has plastic covers on all the furniture. Even the poodle. Looked like a barking hassock walking down the street.
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Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.
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I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?
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I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else?
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Citizens are all equal in politics: we each have one vote.
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I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money my informed choice, my measured gamble.
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San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.
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When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
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Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.'
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I personally cannot tell you how many times we rescuers put our names on animals to come to us as soon as they are eligible for release, only to find they have been senselessly killed by overzealous pound workers.
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You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.
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I love my parents and they're wonderful people, but they were strict, and I still look for ways to get even. When I got my own apartment for the very first time and they came to stay with me for the weekend, I made them stay in separate bedrooms.
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Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?
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Horse racing is waning in popularity.
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