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Wouldn’t it be great to see a line in all movie credits that truthfully says, “Nobody was harmed in the making of this film, and at the cast party, all animals got a belly belly belly rub”.

Elayne Boosler

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Elayne Boosler
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: August 18
Actor
Comedian
Brooklyn
New York
Great
Nobody
Truthfully
Says
Belly
Lines
Cast
Animal
Casts
Movie
Credit
Party
Animals
Making
Line
Credits
Film
Wouldn
Harmed

More quotes by Elayne Boosler

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We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'
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You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.
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For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.
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I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?
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For me, comedy is a day-to-day report on the human condition. It's what's happening right now. I get maybe 20 minutes of my act straight from the newspaper.
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Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.
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I can tell by your eye shadow, you're from Brooklyn, right? . . . Me too. My mother has plastic covers on all the furniture. Even the poodle. Looked like a barking hassock walking down the street.
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A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life.
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Citizens are all equal in politics: we each have one vote.
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I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of very opinionated politics I get away with.
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You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.
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When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
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I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.
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Horse racing is waning in popularity.
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Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?
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I personally cannot tell you how many times we rescuers put our names on animals to come to us as soon as they are eligible for release, only to find they have been senselessly killed by overzealous pound workers.
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I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else?
Elayne Boosler
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I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.
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The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.
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There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb.
Elayne Boosler