Quote

I never minded flying cheap. I always said to myself, 'Taking this flight saves enough money to rescue four dogs, or six cats, or will let me make a difference to the one woman saving chimps in Cameroon.'

Elayne Boosler

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Elayne Boosler
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: August 18
Actor
Comedian
Brooklyn
New York
Never
Taking
Dogs
Differences
Flight
Cameroon
Four
Saving
Chimps
Woman
Cat
Saves
Money
Flying
Rescue
Enough
Six
Cats
Make
Dog
Minded
Always
Difference
Cheap

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I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
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For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.
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Citizens are all equal in politics: we each have one vote.
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Horse racing is waning in popularity.
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I can tell by your eye shadow, you're from Brooklyn, right? . . . Me too. My mother has plastic covers on all the furniture. Even the poodle. Looked like a barking hassock walking down the street.
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To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.
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I personally cannot tell you how many times we rescuers put our names on animals to come to us as soon as they are eligible for release, only to find they have been senselessly killed by overzealous pound workers.
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Why isn't the movie industry forced to open its shooting locations to an organization that is there to advocate for animal actors? The industry isn't allowed to pick and choose which movies using young children it will or won't allow to be monitored. The vulnerable should be protected.
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I run everywhere and eavesdrop. It's the best way to see a city.
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When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.
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There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb.
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I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.
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My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It's stunning.
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You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.
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Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.
Elayne Boosler
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I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.
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I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.
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We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'
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While editors and newspaper owners currently fret over shrinking readership and lost profits, they do the one thing that insures cutting their own throats they keep reducing space for the one feature that attracts new young readers in the first place the comic strips.
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The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.
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