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A study last year showed that the page you turn to first in the newspaper can be a predictor of how long you will live. No surprise, turning first to the Comics Pages prolongs your life.

Elayne Boosler

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Elayne Boosler
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: August 18
Actor
Comedian
Brooklyn
New York
Live
Surprise
Prolongs
Firsts
Pages
Predictor
First
Turn
Newspaper
Long
Study
Comics
Years
Year
Showed
Life
Turns
Turning
Lasts
Page
Last
Newspapers

More quotes by Elayne Boosler

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Horse racing is waning in popularity.
Elayne Boosler
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I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.
Elayne Boosler
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Why isn't the movie industry forced to open its shooting locations to an organization that is there to advocate for animal actors? The industry isn't allowed to pick and choose which movies using young children it will or won't allow to be monitored. The vulnerable should be protected.
Elayne Boosler
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For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.
Elayne Boosler
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Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.
Elayne Boosler
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I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else?
Elayne Boosler
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Citizens are all equal in politics: we each have one vote.
Elayne Boosler
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Laundry's easier when you live alone. Fifteen minutes before a date, put 'em on, dry 'em with a hair blower.
Elayne Boosler
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Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper.
Elayne Boosler
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We've seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a fatwa put on him/her for drawing a picture.
Elayne Boosler
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When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.
Elayne Boosler
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Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.
Elayne Boosler
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I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.
Elayne Boosler
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Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?
Elayne Boosler
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I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.
Elayne Boosler
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People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math.
Elayne Boosler
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Wouldn’t it be great to see a line in all movie credits that truthfully says, “Nobody was harmed in the making of this film, and at the cast party, all animals got a belly belly belly rub”.
Elayne Boosler
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I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money my informed choice, my measured gamble.
Elayne Boosler
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I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.
Elayne Boosler
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My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.
Elayne Boosler