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I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?

Elayne Boosler

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Elayne Boosler
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: August 18
Actor
Comedian
Brooklyn
New York
Minutes
Game
Games
Three
Find
Ever
Pray
Live
Praying
Years
Basketball

More quotes by Elayne Boosler

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Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.
Elayne Boosler
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I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.
Elayne Boosler
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My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.
Elayne Boosler
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While editors and newspaper owners currently fret over shrinking readership and lost profits, they do the one thing that insures cutting their own throats they keep reducing space for the one feature that attracts new young readers in the first place the comic strips.
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Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?
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I read books that say if you want to keep sex hot you tell a person what you want. How do you tell 'em you want somebody else?
Elayne Boosler
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When women are depressed, they eat or go shopping.
Elayne Boosler
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The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.
Elayne Boosler
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I never minded flying cheap. I always said to myself, 'Taking this flight saves enough money to rescue four dogs, or six cats, or will let me make a difference to the one woman saving chimps in Cameroon.'
Elayne Boosler
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I didn't get a high school diploma. I really didn't have much of an education, which left me open to educating myself throughout my life, without the limitations on intellectual curiosity a formal education can impose. I followed what interested me.
Elayne Boosler
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We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'
Elayne Boosler
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My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.
Elayne Boosler
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People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math.
Elayne Boosler
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My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It's stunning.
Elayne Boosler
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You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.
Elayne Boosler
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We've seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a fatwa put on him/her for drawing a picture.
Elayne Boosler
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I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.
Elayne Boosler
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Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.
Elayne Boosler
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I’ve thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent.
Elayne Boosler
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San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.
Elayne Boosler