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I pray if I ever find out I have only about three minutes to live it's during a basketball game, because then I'll have, what, 10, 12 years to live?
Elayne Boosler
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Elayne Boosler
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: August 18
Actor
Comedian
Brooklyn
New York
Live
Praying
Years
Basketball
Minutes
Game
Games
Three
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Ever
Pray
More quotes by Elayne Boosler
We've seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a fatwa put on him/her for drawing a picture.
Elayne Boosler
We have women in the military, but they don't put us in the front lines. They don't know if we can fight, if we can kill. I think we can. All the general has to do is walk over to the women and say, 'You see the enemy over there? They say you look fat in those uniforms.'
Elayne Boosler
My mother always said you could eat off her floor you could eat of my floor too, there's so much food down there.
Elayne Boosler
Every time we help an animal, we are healing ourselves, over and over.
Elayne Boosler
Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?
Elayne Boosler
Comedy is a blood sport. It flays the truth and spurts twisted logic. In America, people become comics because we don't have bullfighting.
Elayne Boosler
My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.
Elayne Boosler
When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
Elayne Boosler
I can tell by your eye shadow, you're from Brooklyn, right? . . . Me too. My mother has plastic covers on all the furniture. Even the poodle. Looked like a barking hassock walking down the street.
Elayne Boosler
You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.
Elayne Boosler
I never minded flying cheap. I always said to myself, 'Taking this flight saves enough money to rescue four dogs, or six cats, or will let me make a difference to the one woman saving chimps in Cameroon.'
Elayne Boosler
You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.
Elayne Boosler
The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.
Elayne Boosler
I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.
Elayne Boosler
I personally cannot tell you how many times we rescuers put our names on animals to come to us as soon as they are eligible for release, only to find they have been senselessly killed by overzealous pound workers.
Elayne Boosler
My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It's stunning.
Elayne Boosler
I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.
Elayne Boosler
Why isn't the movie industry forced to open its shooting locations to an organization that is there to advocate for animal actors? The industry isn't allowed to pick and choose which movies using young children it will or won't allow to be monitored. The vulnerable should be protected.
Elayne Boosler
Here is what is needed for Occupy Wall Street to become a force for change: a clear, and clearly expressed, objective. Or two.
Elayne Boosler
I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.
Elayne Boosler