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You know, if you need 100 rounds to kill a deer, maybe hunting isn't your sport.

Elayne Boosler

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Elayne Boosler
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: August 18
Actor
Comedian
Brooklyn
New York
Hunting
Sport
Rounds
Kill
Sports
Maybe
Need
Needs
Deer

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Most people love animals, and most people love to laugh. Combining the two makes both resonate deeper.
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Wouldn’t it be great to see a line in all movie credits that truthfully says, “Nobody was harmed in the making of this film, and at the cast party, all animals got a belly belly belly rub”.
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I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.
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My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.
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Why isn't the movie industry forced to open its shooting locations to an organization that is there to advocate for animal actors? The industry isn't allowed to pick and choose which movies using young children it will or won't allow to be monitored. The vulnerable should be protected.
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Horse racing is waning in popularity.
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I didn't get a high school diploma. I really didn't have much of an education, which left me open to educating myself throughout my life, without the limitations on intellectual curiosity a formal education can impose. I followed what interested me.
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I can't get married. I can't fake sleep for 30 years.
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I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.
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There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb.
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Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.'
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Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?
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The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.
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I’ve thought for the last decade or so, the only actual place raw truth was seeping through in newspapers was on the Comics Pages. They were able to pull off intelligent social comment, pure truths not found elsewhere in the news pages, and had the ability to make it all funny, entertaining, and pertinent.
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I can tell by your eye shadow, you're from Brooklyn, right? . . . Me too. My mother has plastic covers on all the furniture. Even the poodle. Looked like a barking hassock walking down the street.
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You know you are in love when you are willing to share your cash-machine number.
Elayne Boosler
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What do hookers do on their nights off, type?
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I never minded flying cheap. I always said to myself, 'Taking this flight saves enough money to rescue four dogs, or six cats, or will let me make a difference to the one woman saving chimps in Cameroon.'
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San Francisco is really fun and liberal, and it's my kind of politics. It's like being Jewish in front of Jewish people.
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When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
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