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My ancestors wandered lost in the wilderness for forty years because even in biblical times, men would not stop to ask for directions.

Elayne Boosler

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Elayne Boosler
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: August 18
Actor
Comedian
Brooklyn
New York
Times
Directions
Lost
Ancestors
Even
Ancestor
Years
Biblical
Would
Wilderness
Men
Forty
Stop
Asks
Wandered

More quotes by Elayne Boosler

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The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.
Elayne Boosler
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When I played the Sahara Hotel in Las Vegas on New Year's Eve, I got to bring Wiley, my 85-pound black lab. He's responsible for my favorite New Year's memory of all: At the end of the show, he ran onstage and then out across all the tables in the showroom, sending champagne glasses and gamblers flying.
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People want sex education out of the schools. They believe sex education causes promiscuity. Hey, I took algebra, but I never do math.
Elayne Boosler
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You never see a man walking down the street with a woman who has a little potbelly and a bald spot.
Elayne Boosler
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Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.'
Elayne Boosler
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I never minded flying cheap. I always said to myself, 'Taking this flight saves enough money to rescue four dogs, or six cats, or will let me make a difference to the one woman saving chimps in Cameroon.'
Elayne Boosler
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Designers don't put out the same sweater every year. They just keep creating.
Elayne Boosler
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I am thankful I was born in America, although if I gain any more weight the burqa thing may start to seem like a good idea to me. See? Another plus about America, you can always find some food.
Elayne Boosler
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For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.
Elayne Boosler
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I'm pretty equal opportunity when it comes to issues to joke about.
Elayne Boosler
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I love my parents and they're wonderful people, but they were strict, and I still look for ways to get even. When I got my own apartment for the very first time and they came to stay with me for the weekend, I made them stay in separate bedrooms.
Elayne Boosler
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People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.
Elayne Boosler
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I have no complaints about losing money I put in high-risk investments. I did some of that when I had real money my informed choice, my measured gamble.
Elayne Boosler
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I know what men want. Men want to be really, really close to someone who will leave them alone.
Elayne Boosler
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Ever notice that Soup for One is eight aisles away from Party Mix?
Elayne Boosler
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My belief is that guns are too easy to get in America. My belief is that the NRA has bought much of our congress, to the point that guns are actually the only unregulated consumer product in America. Think about that. It's stunning.
Elayne Boosler
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I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.
Elayne Boosler
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I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of very opinionated politics I get away with.
Elayne Boosler
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Wouldn’t it be great to see a line in all movie credits that truthfully says, “Nobody was harmed in the making of this film, and at the cast party, all animals got a belly belly belly rub”.
Elayne Boosler
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When the sun comes up, I have morals again.
Elayne Boosler