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The Vatican is against surrogate mothers. Good thing they didn't have that rule when Jesus was born.

Elayne Boosler

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Elayne Boosler
Age: 72
Born: 1952
Born: August 18
Actor
Comedian
Brooklyn
New York
Rule
Jesus
Born
Mother
Surrogate
Didn
Surrogates
Thing
Vatican
Good
Resurrection
Mothers

More quotes by Elayne Boosler

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I deliver very traditionally, and people aren't threatened. I think if I cursed or seemed wilder, I couldn't get away with the amount of very opinionated politics I get away with.
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What do hookers do on their nights off, type?
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I didn't get a high school diploma. I really didn't have much of an education, which left me open to educating myself throughout my life, without the limitations on intellectual curiosity a formal education can impose. I followed what interested me.
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For me, comedy is a day-to-day report on the human condition. It's what's happening right now. I get maybe 20 minutes of my act straight from the newspaper.
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I think about death. I don't want to die with clothes in the cleaners.
Elayne Boosler
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I have always put my own money into Tails of Joy. For years, every time a dog walked by, my husband would say, 'There goes our beach house.'
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Wouldn’t it be great to see a line in all movie credits that truthfully says, “Nobody was harmed in the making of this film, and at the cast party, all animals got a belly belly belly rub”.
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Guys wake up at your place and they expect breakfast. They don't eat bagels and M&M's in the morning. They want things like toast. I say, 'I don't have these recipes.'
Elayne Boosler
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I am thankful that geniuses and artists and good people, no matter how hard it is, will eventually be recognized. I am doubly thankful that also goes for idiots.
Elayne Boosler
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We've seen the uproars around the world concerning cartoons depicting the prophet Mohammad. Anyone who does not think comic strips are relevant never had a fatwa put on him/her for drawing a picture.
Elayne Boosler
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There are many comedians who are afraid to work outside the coasts and the casinos because they're afraid they'll bomb.
Elayne Boosler
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Horse racing is waning in popularity.
Elayne Boosler
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I love my parents and they're wonderful people, but they were strict, and I still look for ways to get even. When I got my own apartment for the very first time and they came to stay with me for the weekend, I made them stay in separate bedrooms.
Elayne Boosler
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To listen to your own silence is the key to comedy.
Elayne Boosler
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My fashion philosophy is, if you're not covered in dog hair, your life is empty.
Elayne Boosler
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For a single woman, preparing for company means wiping the lipstick off the milk carton.
Elayne Boosler
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People are giving birth underwater now. They say it's less traumatic for the baby because it's under water. But it's certainly more traumatic for the other people in the pool.
Elayne Boosler
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I wasn't funny as a kid. I remember enjoying comedians, but I never understood it was a job choice or a profession.
Elayne Boosler
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I can tell by your eye shadow, you're from Brooklyn, right? . . . Me too. My mother has plastic covers on all the furniture. Even the poodle. Looked like a barking hassock walking down the street.
Elayne Boosler
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I always had a running commentary in my head that was extremely funny and off-center, but I never said it to anyone.
Elayne Boosler