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Spiders frighten me. In response to the spider alerts for Australia, please can the Australian government remove all spiders from Australia and blow them into outer space.
Eddie Izzard
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Eddie Izzard
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: February 7
Actor
Comedian
Improviser
Politician
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Edward John Izzard
Eddie John Izzard
Edward Jonathan Izzard
Eddie Jonathan Izzard
Edward Izzard
Edward J. Izzard
Eddie J. Izzard
Response
Frighten
Please
Spider
Space
Spiders
Government
Australian
Outer
Australia
Remove
Blow
Alerts
More quotes by Eddie Izzard
If you get too well-known, you can never be a comedian's comedian, it just won't sit well. But I'm fine with that. I'm fine with that label.
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I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over.
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San Francisco! City of dreaming spires, people live here... Golden Gate Bridge, ahh the Romans came here.
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Some people are widely read. I'm thinly read.
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I don't believe in God. So I'm a non-believer in the non-visible. I'm a believer in us in humans.
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The Death Star is just full of British actors opening doors and going,Oh... I... oh... What is it Lieutenant Sebastian? It's just the Rebels, sir... they're here. My God, man! Do they want tea? No, I think they're after something a bit more than that, sir. I don't know what it is, but they've brought a flag. Damn, that's dash cunning of them.
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Danger could be my middle name... But it's John.
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If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete!
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In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you've got a twin brother who's also a stand-up.
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So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!
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I'd like to have sex with myself.
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My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.
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And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way.
Eddie Izzard
That's no good, I can't steal from the fairly well off and give to the moderately impoverished! That's not gonna swing, is it?
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Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, Is that Rod Stewart in first class?
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But the Dutch speak four languages and smoke marijuana!
Eddie Izzard
So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain and Turkey! The Ottoman Empire, full of furniture for some reason. And the Austro-Hungarian Empire, famous for f-k all! Yes, all they did was slowly collapse like a flan in a cupboard.
Eddie Izzard
You're gay, you sell books... you probably shag the books.
Eddie Izzard
Two languages in one brain? No one can live at that speed!
Eddie Izzard
If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.
Eddie Izzard