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I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever.

Eddie Izzard

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Eddie Izzard
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: February 7
Actor
Comedian
Improviser
Politician
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Edward John Izzard
Eddie John Izzard
Edward Jonathan Izzard
Eddie Jonathan Izzard
Edward Izzard
Edward J. Izzard
Eddie J. Izzard
Humans
Trying
Think
Teapots
Thinking
Talk
Whatever
Religion
Stories
Human

More quotes by Eddie Izzard

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Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).
Eddie Izzard
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I want to live till I die. No more, no less.
Eddie Izzard
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My Gran said put a thimble on your finger and it helps you in case you slip with the needle and it goes up, into the brain, and death.
Eddie Izzard
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They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'
Eddie Izzard
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When you're more mature, you do start telling the truth, in odd situations. I'm sorry, I've broken a glass here. Is that expensive? I'll pay for it. I'm sorry. And you do that so that people in the room might go, What a strong personality that person has. I like to have sex with people with strong personalities.
Eddie Izzard
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So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!
Eddie Izzard
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If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.
Eddie Izzard
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I am someone who's very positive about business, as a social Democrat. I do like the safety net of the welfare system and people setting things and creating business, and that's what I try to do with my own work: export it around the world from the U.K.
Eddie Izzard
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I'm into humanity. I don't believe in God, but I believe in human beings.
Eddie Izzard
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If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.
Eddie Izzard
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If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.
Eddie Izzard
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So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain and Turkey! The Ottoman Empire, full of furniture for some reason. And the Austro-Hungarian Empire, famous for f-k all! Yes, all they did was slowly collapse like a flan in a cupboard.
Eddie Izzard
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All humans can do more than they think they can do. So I think we can all actually be more superhuman than we think we can.
Eddie Izzard
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Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.
Eddie Izzard
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I can go from blokey to girlie in 15 minutes and then I'm out the door. But that's the fastest I can do it. Becoming a woman takes work.
Eddie Izzard
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Before birds get sucked into jet engines, do they ever think, Is that Rod Stewart in first class?
Eddie Izzard
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Boy bands should be exploded from a great height. They're just pretty people singing music written by others.
Eddie Izzard
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In stand-up it really helps to play yourself and talk about your own feelings. You cannot fail to be original if you're just talking about what you think about X, Y and Z. Unless you've got a twin brother who's also a stand-up.
Eddie Izzard
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Sharks are just evil bastards. I'm quite happy if all the sharks just went, because they eat fish and us. And we need the fish.
Eddie Izzard
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When I watched Braveheart I was in tears and I was rooting for the Scottish people
Eddie Izzard