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I'd like to have sex with myself.

Eddie Izzard

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Eddie Izzard
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: February 7
Actor
Comedian
Improviser
Politician
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Edward John Izzard
Eddie John Izzard
Edward Jonathan Izzard
Eddie Jonathan Izzard
Edward Izzard
Edward J. Izzard
Eddie J. Izzard
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Sex

More quotes by Eddie Izzard

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Little red cookbook! Little red cookbook!
Eddie Izzard
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I try to just talk about human stories and what I think about religion or teapots or whatever.
Eddie Izzard
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They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'
Eddie Izzard
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I can go from blokey to girlie in 15 minutes and then I'm out the door. But that's the fastest I can do it. Becoming a woman takes work.
Eddie Izzard
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And the National Rifle Association says that, Guns don't kill people, people do, but I think the gun helps, you know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, Bang! That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that.
Eddie Izzard
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If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.
Eddie Izzard
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Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.
Eddie Izzard
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I wanted to be less well-known in comedy.
Eddie Izzard
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Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: Girls girls, ooo. Naturally you want to look your best, and God says No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!
Eddie Izzard
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You’ve got to believe you can be a standup before you can be a standup. You have to believe you can act before you can act. You have to believe you can be an astronaut before you can be an astronaut. You’ve got to believe.
Eddie Izzard
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Your eyes flashed fire into my soul. I immediately read the words of Dostoyevsky and Karl Marx, and in the words of Albert Schweitzer, I FANCY YOU!
Eddie Izzard
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I don't subscribe to the theory that all politicians are crap. I think the 'cool people' often take that position.
Eddie Izzard
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My Gran said put a thimble on your finger and it helps you in case you slip with the needle and it goes up, into the brain, and death.
Eddie Izzard
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San Francisco! City of dreaming spires, people live here... Golden Gate Bridge, ahh the Romans came here.
Eddie Izzard
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Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away that's the deal.
Eddie Izzard
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I saw something in a program on something in Miami, and they were saying, We've redecorated this building to how it looked over 50 years ago! And people were going, No, surely not, no. No one was alive then.
Eddie Izzard
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If you get anything creative going, then the work and play thing is the same thing, I feel.
Eddie Izzard
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When I was seven, I said, I want to act. When I was 10, I realized that films exist, and I wanted to be in them. Not a comedian, I wanted to be a dramatic actor. Films just seemed such fun, and like such a great thing to do.
Eddie Izzard
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If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.
Eddie Izzard
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The Death Star is just full of British actors opening doors and going,Oh... I... oh... What is it Lieutenant Sebastian? It's just the Rebels, sir... they're here. My God, man! Do they want tea? No, I think they're after something a bit more than that, sir. I don't know what it is, but they've brought a flag. Damn, that's dash cunning of them.
Eddie Izzard