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If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete!
Eddie Izzard
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Eddie Izzard
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: February 7
Actor
Comedian
Improviser
Politician
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Edward John Izzard
Eddie John Izzard
Edward Jonathan Izzard
Eddie Jonathan Izzard
Edward Izzard
Edward J. Izzard
Eddie J. Izzard
Concrete
Foot
Block
Feet
Comedy
Funny
Would
Achilles
Sarcastic
More quotes by Eddie Izzard
I saw something in a program on something in Miami, and they were saying, We've redecorated this building to how it looked over 50 years ago! And people were going, No, surely not, no. No one was alive then.
Eddie Izzard
So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain and Turkey! The Ottoman Empire, full of furniture for some reason. And the Austro-Hungarian Empire, famous for f-k all! Yes, all they did was slowly collapse like a flan in a cupboard.
Eddie Izzard
It's my manifest destiny to wear a skirt in all countries.
Eddie Izzard
Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. OK, we can swing with that. But performance 'debilitating' drugs should not be banned. Smoke a joint and win the 100 metres, fair play for you. That's pretty good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar off in the distance.
Eddie Izzard
Comedy is like a very cokey, druggy sugar. You get hits of comedy, and it's very, More, give me more of that stuff, because serotonin is being released in the brain. So it's basically, everyone becomes serotonin junkies, and we are serotonin dealers. And that's what being a comedian is about.
Eddie Izzard
So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!
Eddie Izzard
Poetry is very similar to music, only less notes and more words.
Eddie Izzard
They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'
Eddie Izzard
Sharks are just evil bastards. I'm quite happy if all the sharks just went, because they eat fish and us. And we need the fish.
Eddie Izzard
It's a historical thing, up to the 19th century the English hated the French. Then in the 20th century the English started to hate the Germans - as we began to move alphabetically through the map of the world. Now, the year 2000, we are fine with the Germans... but the Hungarians are pissing us off.
Eddie Izzard
I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash, it's much better.
Eddie Izzard
And the National Rifle Association says that, Guns don't kill people, people do, but I think the gun helps, you know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, Bang! That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that.
Eddie Izzard
The bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of drama is to be truthful. You can be truthful and funny, but if you're not truthful in a drama than the audience leaves you.
Eddie Izzard
Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.
Eddie Izzard
Animals in the wild are lean, and I think we should be too.
Eddie Izzard
If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.
Eddie Izzard
Puberty is the sickest joke God plays on us. So you're just noticing members of the sex: Girls girls, ooo. Naturally you want to look your best, and God says No! You will look the worst you've ever looked in your life!
Eddie Izzard
When you're coming out, you have to deal with the whole world saying 'Oh! You're an abominable snowman'.
Eddie Izzard
Honey bees are amazing creatures. I mean, think about it, do earwigs make chutney?
Eddie Izzard
I can go from blokey to girlie in 15 minutes and then I'm out the door. But that's the fastest I can do it. Becoming a woman takes work.
Eddie Izzard
