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You have the American dream! The dream is to be born in a gutter and grow up, and then get all the money in the world and stick it in your ears and go THBBBBBT.

Eddie Izzard

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Eddie Izzard
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: February 7
Actor
Comedian
Improviser
Politician
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Edward John Izzard
Eddie John Izzard
Edward Jonathan Izzard
Eddie Jonathan Izzard
Edward Izzard
Edward J. Izzard
Eddie J. Izzard
American
Born
Gutter
Money
Gutters
Dream
Stick
World
Sticks
Ears
Grow
Grows

More quotes by Eddie Izzard

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If I were Achilles I would put my foot in a f**k off block of concrete!
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I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
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When you're coming out, you have to deal with the whole world saying 'Oh! You're an abominable snowman'.
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I'm into humanity. I don't believe in God, but I believe in human beings.
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You're gay, you sell books... you probably shag the books.
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Guns don't kill people, people kill people, and monkeys do too (if they have a gun).
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Horseshoes are lucky. Horses have four bits of lucky nailed to their feet. They should be the luckiest animals in the world. They should rule the country. They should win all their horse races, at least. 'In the fifth race today, every single horse was first equal...one horse threw a shoe came in third...the duck was ninth...and five ran.'
Eddie Izzard
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We must have been hunters and gatherers but some of us were just waiters and hopers.
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I am someone who's very positive about business, as a social Democrat. I do like the safety net of the welfare system and people setting things and creating business, and that's what I try to do with my own work: export it around the world from the U.K.
Eddie Izzard
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Fox hunting, there's big fox hunting thing, there's arguments in Britain about fox hunting. And they go around. They obviously hunt foxes because the foxes, they attack chickens. And posh people have an alliance with chickens just like in the First World War.
Eddie Izzard
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I mean, sometimes... a comedian becomes an actor, and they just don't deliver, because the bottom line of comedy is to be funny, and the bottom line of acting is to be truthful, and they get that mixed up sometimes, or don't even notice that that's the thing.
Eddie Izzard
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So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!
Eddie Izzard
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So in Europe, we had empires. Everyone had them - France and Spain and Britain and Turkey! The Ottoman Empire, full of furniture for some reason. And the Austro-Hungarian Empire, famous for f-k all! Yes, all they did was slowly collapse like a flan in a cupboard.
Eddie Izzard
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Spiders frighten me. In response to the spider alerts for Australia, please can the Australian government remove all spiders from Australia and blow them into outer space.
Eddie Izzard
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I appreciate your applause, but I don't do it for applause. I do it for cash, it's much better.
Eddie Izzard
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Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. OK, we can swing with that. But performance 'debilitating' drugs should not be banned. Smoke a joint and win the 100 metres, fair play for you. That's pretty good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar off in the distance.
Eddie Izzard
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And the National Rifle Association says that, Guns don't kill people, people do, but I think the gun helps, you know? I think it helps. I just think just standing there going, Bang! That's not going to kill too many people, is it? You'd have to be really dodgy on the heart to have that.
Eddie Izzard
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I saw something in a program on something in Miami, and they were saying, We've redecorated this building to how it looked over 50 years ago! And people were going, No, surely not, no. No one was alive then.
Eddie Izzard
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But puberty was... well, before puberty, at school, I didn't tell kids I was a transvestite 'cause I thought they might kill me with sticks, you know?
Eddie Izzard
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America is the new Roman Empire. Remember what happened to Rome.
Eddie Izzard