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I am a professional transvestite, so I can run about in heels and not fall over.

Eddie Izzard

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Eddie Izzard
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: February 7
Actor
Comedian
Improviser
Politician
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Edward John Izzard
Eddie John Izzard
Edward Jonathan Izzard
Eddie Jonathan Izzard
Edward Izzard
Edward J. Izzard
Eddie J. Izzard
Causes
Fall
Running
Transvestite
Ends
Transvestites
Blokes
Embarrassing
Heels
Professional

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If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.
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The Death Star is just full of British actors opening doors and going,Oh... I... oh... What is it Lieutenant Sebastian? It's just the Rebels, sir... they're here. My God, man! Do they want tea? No, I think they're after something a bit more than that, sir. I don't know what it is, but they've brought a flag. Damn, that's dash cunning of them.
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Two languages in one brain? No one can live at that speed!
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My Gran said put a thimble on your finger and it helps you in case you slip with the needle and it goes up, into the brain, and death.
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When you're coming out, you have to deal with the whole world saying 'Oh! You're an abominable snowman'.
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Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.
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So the American government lied to the Native Americans for many, many years, and then President Clinton lied about a relationship, and everyone was surprised! A little naive, I feel!
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I did bronze survival swimming. I could save people in a bronzey kind of way.
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Danger could be my middle name... But it's John.
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I wanted to be less well-known in comedy.
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If you think about determination, if people have a heart and are determined, they can get to that place. But there are a lot of negative people who were enormously determined. All the Nazis were determined. They wanted to murder everyone. Everyone with a bad heart, who doesn't care about people, I wish they hadn't started.
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Poetry is very similar to music, only less notes and more words.
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If you go down as a comedian's comedian, that's basically meaning other comedians are hopefully feeling that you're doing okay.
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They tend to come out a colour called 'Pants left in wash'
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Cats have a scam going - you buy the food, they eat the food, they go away that's the deal.
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When I watched Braveheart I was in tears and I was rooting for the Scottish people
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Spiders frighten me. In response to the spider alerts for Australia, please can the Australian government remove all spiders from Australia and blow them into outer space.
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If you're choking in a restaurant you can just say the magic words, 'Heimlich maneuver,' and all will be well. Trouble is, it's difficult to say 'Heimlich maneuver' when you're choking to death.
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I want to live till I die. No more, no less.
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MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.
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