Quote

MAC gave me 55 lipsticks to test. These are the same lipsticks I got caught stealing by the police when I was 15. How ironic.

Eddie Izzard

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Eddie Izzard
Age: 62
Born: 1962
Born: February 7
Actor
Comedian
Improviser
Politician
Stand-Up Comedian
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Edward John Izzard
Eddie John Izzard
Edward Jonathan Izzard
Eddie Jonathan Izzard
Edward Izzard
Edward J. Izzard
Eddie J. Izzard
Stealing
Test
Tests
Police
Caught
Lipsticks
Gave
Macs
Comedy
Lipstick
Ironic

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My stand-up is quite good now, people say. It's just like a big conversation each time. Every gig is a rehearsal.
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San Francisco! City of dreaming spires, people live here... Golden Gate Bridge, ahh the Romans came here.
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Performance enhancing drugs are banned in the Olympics. OK, we can swing with that. But performance 'debilitating' drugs should not be banned. Smoke a joint and win the 100 metres, fair play for you. That's pretty good. Unless someone's dangling a Mars bar off in the distance.
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You're gay, you sell books... you probably shag the books.
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And the druids, they were into sex and death in an interesting night-time telly sort of way.
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Spiders frighten me. In response to the spider alerts for Australia, please can the Australian government remove all spiders from Australia and blow them into outer space.
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America is the new Roman Empire. Remember what happened to Rome.
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Little red cookbook! Little red cookbook!
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That's no good, I can't steal from the fairly well off and give to the moderately impoverished! That's not gonna swing, is it?
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You notice how they always put the fruit and veg at the entrance to the supermarket? You go in thinking 'this is a fresh shop, everything in here is FRESH! I will do well to shop here'. You never go straight to the bit with the toilet paper, loo brushes and such do you? You'd think 'this is a POO shop! Everything in here is themed on POO!
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If there is a God, his plan is very similar to someone not having a plan.
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He [Charlie Chaplin] was always playing as if it were to the camera, if you've seen the live shots of him when he's going to an opening night or something like that. And the skills that he had were beyond my ability to throw together. You just couldn't really compete with him. He was too athletic at that.
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I grew up in Europe, where the history comes from.
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For me to put a look together, if it's going to be a boy look or a girl look or whatever, is quite a tricky thing to do. I'm not doing drag because drag is seen in a certain way and my comedy has got zero to do with what I'm wearing. I could wear an elephant suit and say the same thing.
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Scrabble was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia. This is true, they proved this one. The word dyslexia was invented by Nazis to piss off kids with dyslexia.
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In the UK a lot of people don't like to try. There's a different cultural thing. Here [in USA] if you try and fail, you get up again and start again and keep going. People respect you for it. Even if you keep failing, they respect the tenacity.
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It's my manifest destiny to wear a skirt in all countries.
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I don't know what it's like in the U.S. but immigrants in the U.K. do the jobs the citizens won't do.
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If you've never seen an elephant ski, then you've never been on acid.
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You have the American dream! The dream is to be born in a gutter and grow up, and then get all the money in the world and stick it in your ears and go THBBBBBT.
Eddie Izzard