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I've always wanted to visit [Washington]. The Smithsonian has some fantastic archival material on blues music, which I'm really into. There's a ton of stuff I want to do there. but it just never happened.

Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Never
Material
Materials
Happened
Archival
Stuff
Smithsonian
Music
Blues
Wanted
Visit
Really
Washington
Always
Fantastic

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The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.
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It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect.
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It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.
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You should be as alive as you can, until you're totally dead!
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What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can't even walk straight.
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Fruit... it's just God showing off. Look at all the colours I know!
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Have I had therapy? I went to a yoga class once.
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I'm not drunk onstage, although I've done that a couple of times when I was younger. It's partly just the way I talk - I talk like somebody in a rocking chair. I'm your 150-year-old grandmother.
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I'm fascinated by how you'll change your position so many times over a lifetime, but really what you're doing is occupying a series of positions on a landscape.
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Lots of comics try stuff out all year round, which is very sensible - I don't.
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Because their bones are growing, they can only sleep in certain positions, obviously. The crucifix and the swastika tend to be the most popular. Sometimes a combination of the two.
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You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them.
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You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?'
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I’ve always been a big consumer of American journalism over the years and had an interest in the history of it and of the press in America how it has changed.
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Wow this place is really big isn't it? They must do proper stuff here, like opera and all that...shite.
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Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, Don't go outside! Or inside! Get into the cupboard with some spinach! When I was a child they'd kick you out and you weren't expected to come back until there were bats!
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You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...
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You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
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I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.
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If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a lift, I could write a better song on the walls.
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