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I never really had a career, to be honest with you. I never in my life sat down and planned it. I have thought, 'Oh, I'd like to do this,' like anybody would. But I'm not the type that says, 'If I do this, it will lead to that.'

Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Would
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Life
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Honest
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More quotes by Dylan Moran

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Have I had therapy? I went to a yoga class once.
Dylan Moran
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I don't know that you're able to measure your aggregate wisdom as you go through life. I can't say that I ever feel that I'm sitting on top of a growing mound of wisdom.
Dylan Moran
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[Washington] is the political capital. It's essentially a big office.
Dylan Moran
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I do not walk around imaging myself to be intimidating or smart.
Dylan Moran
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If you're a comic, you don't have a rehearsal room, you rehearse on stage. My main concern is remembering everything.
Dylan Moran
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I don't want to do the same thing over and over again.
Dylan Moran
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I've been writing since I was very young, even before I was a teenager. As far as I'm concerned, I am a writer - whether my writing's spoken or written in a blog, paper, book or printed on the side of a submarine.
Dylan Moran
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Fruit... it's just God showing off. Look at all the colours I know!
Dylan Moran
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Some people have told me that I'm grumpy it's not something that I'm aware of. It's not like I walk around poking children in the eye... not very small ones, anyway.
Dylan Moran
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I'm organised in some ways, but not in others.
Dylan Moran
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If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a lift, I could write a better song on the walls.
Dylan Moran
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I write all the time, but you just want to be careful what you put out. That's all. You want to have the confidence that you've done what you need to do to it, because otherwise it's an exercise in vanity.
Dylan Moran
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The measure of a conversation is how much mutual recognition there is in it how much shared there is in it. If you're talking about what's in your own head, or without thought to what people looking and listening will feel, you might as well be in a room talking to yourself.
Dylan Moran
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When I was a child, I wanted to watch things that made me laugh. It's attacking boredom, as simple as that. I was 19 when I first went to a comedy club - I wanted to do it, so I gave it a try and that was it. I found my office.
Dylan Moran
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I enjoy performing, always, but when you're taping a gig, you've got to blank out this mass apparatus of self-consciousness that's surrounding you, this invitation to drown in self-consciousness. Otherwise you just won't be able to do anything.
Dylan Moran
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Now I'm not an expert at mathematics, but I calculated it would take at least three of me to take on one third of one of them, even if they were attacking me with just their arse.
Dylan Moran
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Two young, fit, healthy attractive people in love? There’s nothing worse to look at in the world.
Dylan Moran
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You should be as alive as you can, until you're totally dead!
Dylan Moran
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When did you ever hear of a child not in need? 'Oh that's enough jam tart for me, I'll just go now and clean the toilets.'
Dylan Moran
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I don't have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day.
Dylan Moran