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I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.

Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Hair
Funny
People
Pubic
Ceiling
Ceilings
Relax
Anywhere
Humor

More quotes by Dylan Moran

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Wow this place is really big isn't it? They must do proper stuff here, like opera and all that...shite.
Dylan Moran
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I'm not drunk onstage, although I've done that a couple of times when I was younger. It's partly just the way I talk - I talk like somebody in a rocking chair. I'm your 150-year-old grandmother.
Dylan Moran
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I have tried... believe me, I have tried to like rap music. It makes me feel so very, very old. I have tried to get home with the downies.
Dylan Moran
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I don't want to do panel games or adverts. I really like challenges. I always get roles as an art teacher or a photographer. In the future I want to play something like a mugger/assassin/pastry chef.
Dylan Moran
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Why do I even dare to think I could dream I could imagine I could hope?!
Dylan Moran
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It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.
Dylan Moran
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You've a very important, early decision to make in your life: are you going to be alone, or are you going to be with somebody else? Are you going to be sane, or not lonely? A couple is a strange thing it's an organism that's half as intelligent as the most intelligent member. And you both know who it is!
Dylan Moran
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You’re not going to learn anything if you’re not prepared to go flat, so I’m very happy to go flat.
Dylan Moran
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If you're talking about crowd enthusiasm, it varies. I have a decent following in Australia so I like there. I'm interested in playing everywhere.
Dylan Moran
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The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.
Dylan Moran
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You have to assume that you're talking to the most intelligent, tuned-in audience you could ever get. That's the way you're going to get the best out of people. Whether they know you or not shouldn't matter for comedy. They should get to know you pretty quickly. and they should be having a good time pretty quickly.
Dylan Moran
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The East is very mysterious to Westerners. Even post-Cold War, it's still an unknown entity.
Dylan Moran
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I know there's similar dissatisfaction in America. There's a lot of white people who come from blue collar backgrounds and who feel ill-equipped and badly served by modern economics and the modern job market.
Dylan Moran
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I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.
Dylan Moran
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You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.
Dylan Moran
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Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.
Dylan Moran
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One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear from this Black Books thing.
Dylan Moran
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I don't go to different countries to criticise their political system and tell them what they should be doing - what do I know?
Dylan Moran
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I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.
Dylan Moran
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I never really had a career, to be honest with you. I never in my life sat down and planned it. I have thought, 'Oh, I'd like to do this,' like anybody would. But I'm not the type that says, 'If I do this, it will lead to that.'
Dylan Moran