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Now I'm not an expert at mathematics, but I calculated it would take at least three of me to take on one third of one of them, even if they were attacking me with just their arse.

Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Humor
Arses
Least
Calculated
Funny
Expert
Three
Attacking
Take
Experts
Even
Third
Would
Thirds
Mathematics
Arse

More quotes by Dylan Moran

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I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.
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We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.
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I don't have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day.
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You know, people sometimes say to me, 'Do you prefer to do this or that, act or do stand-up or write' but the thing that I enjoy most is the difference between all of them, because you're always learning. I don't go around thinking of myself as a great anything. I'm actually lucky to have the chance to fail at all of them.
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You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.
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I'm not drunk onstage, although I've done that a couple of times when I was younger. It's partly just the way I talk - I talk like somebody in a rocking chair. I'm your 150-year-old grandmother.
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I'm just trying to understand what's around me as much as anyone else is, really. To draw a bead on a moving target.
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I wish I was like you! You know startled by direct sunlight.
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Lots of comics try stuff out all year round, which is very sensible - I don't.
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I'll have to look into [Washington] D.C. a bit more. I know it's given over to the administration and the bureaucracy connected to it. It's a super-organism of the American state. But there's also a parallel city in there where normal people live.
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I know there's similar dissatisfaction in America. There's a lot of white people who come from blue collar backgrounds and who feel ill-equipped and badly served by modern economics and the modern job market.
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You’re not going to learn anything if you’re not prepared to go flat, so I’m very happy to go flat.
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You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
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I never really had a career, to be honest with you. I never in my life sat down and planned it. I have thought, 'Oh, I'd like to do this,' like anybody would. But I'm not the type that says, 'If I do this, it will lead to that.'
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Two young, fit, healthy attractive people in love? There’s nothing worse to look at in the world.
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In my personal life, my family makes me laugh more than anybody I think that is the same for everybody. I certainly hope it is.
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I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.
Dylan Moran
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It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.
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You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?'
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My drive to put myself on the line comes from boredom. From that feeling when you go to bed and think, 'What did I do today?' It doesn't have to be something monumental, just a feeling that you really tried to look at something, or look into something.
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