Quote

Because their bones are growing, they can only sleep in certain positions, obviously. The crucifix and the swastika tend to be the most popular. Sometimes a combination of the two.

Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Growing
Combination
Sleep
Popular
Funny
Bones
Two
Obviously
Certain
Tend
Sometimes
Humor
Swastika
Position
Crucifix
Comedy
Positions

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You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself.
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You have to assume that you're talking to the most intelligent, tuned-in audience you could ever get. That's the way you're going to get the best out of people. Whether they know you or not shouldn't matter for comedy. They should get to know you pretty quickly. and they should be having a good time pretty quickly.
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You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them.
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You cannot over estimate how infantile men are about sex! Men are people that have sex BECAUSE they have a headache... or are on fire, or have been shot in the head, or whatever it is!
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Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know mobile phone tumours - far more likely in the city. Well you know what, so is everything else! Including sex, coffee and conversation.
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All the shy people are doomed! Natural selection favors the loud and the aggressive
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You’re not going to learn anything if you’re not prepared to go flat, so I’m very happy to go flat.
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I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.
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Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.
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Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.
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Paper acts as an eraser on the mind, as soon as you look at what you've written.
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I do pauses, pauses work for me
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I've seen stand up comedy, and after a while you start to notice that a lot of people are doing things that are like a lot of other people. There can be a bit of a herd mentality, and that's obviously less interesting because there's less going on. I'm just being totally frank with you.
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I'm fascinated by how you'll change your position so many times over a lifetime, but really what you're doing is occupying a series of positions on a landscape.
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I don't know that you're able to measure your aggregate wisdom as you go through life. I can't say that I ever feel that I'm sitting on top of a growing mound of wisdom.
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You try various things when you're growing up. I was an attache in the Foreign Service for a while and then I drove a bulldozer, but neither of those panned out for me so it had to be stand-up.
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I write all the time, but you just want to be careful what you put out. That's all. You want to have the confidence that you've done what you need to do to it, because otherwise it's an exercise in vanity.
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I'm organised in some ways, but not in others.
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