Quote

What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can't even walk straight.

Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Even
Walks
Gibberish
Comedy
Drunks
Morning
Midget
Face
Greet
Talking
Anyway
Faces
Straight
Funny
Walk
Children
Humor

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I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.
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He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass.
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It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.
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It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.
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I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised yeah, it's a similar feeling, sure.
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Some people have told me that I'm grumpy it's not something that I'm aware of. It's not like I walk around poking children in the eye... not very small ones, anyway.
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When did you ever hear of a child not in need? 'Oh that's enough jam tart for me, I'll just go now and clean the toilets.'
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You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.
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It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect.
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Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.
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You can see desperation in people who are too eager to laugh because they're in such a hurry not to look at what's confronting them in their lives and that's kind of sad because there's a kind of pornographic aspect to it, of making some sort of pain go away, of hovering around a pain, making yourself numb, not feel anything.
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I've always wanted to visit [Washington]. The Smithsonian has some fantastic archival material on blues music, which I'm really into. There's a ton of stuff I want to do there. but it just never happened.
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You know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...This is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
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We are both drawn to surreal situations so the writing was a joy.
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I don't want to do panel games or adverts. I really like challenges. I always get roles as an art teacher or a photographer. In the future I want to play something like a mugger/assassin/pastry chef.
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Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.
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Have I had therapy? I went to a yoga class once.
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Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!
Dylan Moran
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I know there's similar dissatisfaction in America. There's a lot of white people who come from blue collar backgrounds and who feel ill-equipped and badly served by modern economics and the modern job market.
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I thought The Office was good, though I didn't think of it as a sitcom, just as a very good programme.
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