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If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a lift, I could write a better song on the walls.
Dylan Moran
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Dylan Moran
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Humor
Shoved
Funny
Lift
Song
Walls
Trampoline
Write
Lifts
Trampolines
Better
Oil
Broom
Writing
Covered
Arse
Handle
Arses
Wall
Brooms
More quotes by Dylan Moran
I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.
Dylan Moran
I'm just trying to understand what's around me as much as anyone else is, really. To draw a bead on a moving target.
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Now I'm not an expert at mathematics, but I calculated it would take at least three of me to take on one third of one of them, even if they were attacking me with just their arse.
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The trend now is to get away from stage bound sitcoms.
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You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
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I dislike both of [candidates] but there's obviously no choice in the election - if you're concerned about the future of anything, you need to vote for Hillary Clinton.
Dylan Moran
Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!
Dylan Moran
I've been writing since I was very young, even before I was a teenager. As far as I'm concerned, I am a writer - whether my writing's spoken or written in a blog, paper, book or printed on the side of a submarine.
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It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect.
Dylan Moran
I've lived in the UK for longer than I lived in Ireland. I'm not worried about myself, but it's ridiculous for youngsters.
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The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.
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You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself.
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You have to assume that you're talking to the most intelligent, tuned-in audience you could ever get. That's the way you're going to get the best out of people. Whether they know you or not shouldn't matter for comedy. They should get to know you pretty quickly. and they should be having a good time pretty quickly.
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I write all the time, but you just want to be careful what you put out. That's all. You want to have the confidence that you've done what you need to do to it, because otherwise it's an exercise in vanity.
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Women are like canoes, full of soup. At first everyone is suspicious but then everyone wants one.
Dylan Moran
Shame is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs in the world, anyway, built into religion.
Dylan Moran
All the shy people are doomed! Natural selection favors the loud and the aggressive
Dylan Moran
I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.
Dylan Moran
You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?'
Dylan Moran
I have a very low level of recognition, which is fine by me.
Dylan Moran
