Quote

If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a lift, I could write a better song on the walls.

Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Handle
Arses
Wall
Brooms
Humor
Shoved
Funny
Lift
Song
Walls
Trampoline
Write
Lifts
Trampolines
Better
Oil
Broom
Writing
Covered
Arse

More quotes by Dylan Moran

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I never really had a career, to be honest with you. I never in my life sat down and planned it. I have thought, 'Oh, I'd like to do this,' like anybody would. But I'm not the type that says, 'If I do this, it will lead to that.'
Dylan Moran
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The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.
Dylan Moran
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The terror of failure can make you feel like a failure. So a bunch of people think you're not very good at your thing. How much do you invest in what they say? How much do you care? Failure is not putting yourself on the line.
Dylan Moran
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I don't go around thinking of myself as a great anything.
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I never thought I want to do anything, really, except not go to work properly and turn up at the same place every day and eat sandwiches in the same canteen, if I can possibly help it, as I don't think I'd be very good at it.
Dylan Moran
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I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised yeah, it's a similar feeling, sure.
Dylan Moran
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Because their bones are growing, they can only sleep in certain positions, obviously. The crucifix and the swastika tend to be the most popular. Sometimes a combination of the two.
Dylan Moran
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You know, people sometimes say to me, 'Do you prefer to do this or that, act or do stand-up or write' but the thing that I enjoy most is the difference between all of them, because you're always learning. I don't go around thinking of myself as a great anything. I'm actually lucky to have the chance to fail at all of them.
Dylan Moran
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Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!
Dylan Moran
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You’re not going to learn anything if you’re not prepared to go flat, so I’m very happy to go flat.
Dylan Moran
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I know there's similar dissatisfaction in America. There's a lot of white people who come from blue collar backgrounds and who feel ill-equipped and badly served by modern economics and the modern job market.
Dylan Moran
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You can see desperation in people who are too eager to laugh because they're in such a hurry not to look at what's confronting them in their lives and that's kind of sad because there's a kind of pornographic aspect to it, of making some sort of pain go away, of hovering around a pain, making yourself numb, not feel anything.
Dylan Moran
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I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.
Dylan Moran
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What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can't even walk straight.
Dylan Moran
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I wanted to show off - a simple impulse or drive in much the same way as some kids wanted to play football, I wanted to show off. Not complicated in that sense, very natural it just depends on how you want to show off.
Dylan Moran
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The American political machinery is awesome to behold in its scale and expense and waste and madness. It's the greatest circus on Earth I suppose.
Dylan Moran
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You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.
Dylan Moran
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You learn very very quickly that it is mostly about swearing, actually. That's all you're doing, swearing, in a box with wheels.
Dylan Moran
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Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.
Dylan Moran
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Fruit... it's just God showing off. Look at all the colours I know!
Dylan Moran