Quote

If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a lift, I could write a better song on the walls.

Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Humor
Shoved
Funny
Lift
Song
Walls
Trampoline
Write
Lifts
Trampolines
Better
Oil
Broom
Writing
Covered
Arse
Handle
Arses
Wall
Brooms

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You’re not going to learn anything if you’re not prepared to go flat, so I’m very happy to go flat.
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You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
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One thing that's coming up a lot is: are you as grumpy as you appear from this Black Books thing.
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Paper acts as an eraser on the mind, as soon as you look at what you've written.
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I thought The Office was good, though I didn't think of it as a sitcom, just as a very good programme.
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There's always a host of voices you're inspired by. I love Don DeLillo, and I love Isaac Bashevis Singer, and I love Beckett, and I love Pinter. He's one of the funniest voices in English literature since Dickens.
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I don't go around thinking of myself as a great anything.
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I dont watch a whole lot of stand up. Mainly I prefer to read writers they make me laugh the most. Something gets you when youre alone and someones voice is coming through their work. Theres a different quality to it that stays with you a bit more.
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Some people have told me that I'm grumpy it's not something that I'm aware of. It's not like I walk around poking children in the eye... not very small ones, anyway.
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I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.
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It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect.
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In my personal life, my family makes me laugh more than anybody I think that is the same for everybody. I certainly hope it is.
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In the same way, there is some creature gnawing away inside of me, urging me to do things in different ways.
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My drive to put myself on the line comes from boredom. From that feeling when you go to bed and think, 'What did I do today?' It doesn't have to be something monumental, just a feeling that you really tried to look at something, or look into something.
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The trend now is to get away from stage bound sitcoms.
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Women are like canoes, full of soup. At first everyone is suspicious but then everyone wants one.
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Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, Don't go outside! Or inside! Get into the cupboard with some spinach! When I was a child they'd kick you out and you weren't expected to come back until there were bats!
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I’ve always been a big consumer of American journalism over the years and had an interest in the history of it and of the press in America how it has changed.
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I never thought I want to do anything, really, except not go to work properly and turn up at the same place every day and eat sandwiches in the same canteen, if I can possibly help it, as I don't think I'd be very good at it.
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I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.
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