Quote

When did you ever hear of a child not in need? 'Oh that's enough jam tart for me, I'll just go now and clean the toilets.'

Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Child
Ever
Need
Tart
Enough
Tarts
Children
Jam
Needs
Toilets
Clean
Hear

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America's work ethic is non-stop it's not even enshrined in law that workers have to get their two weeks holiday money. But Americans work harder than everyone else I can think of.
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I've been writing since I was very young, even before I was a teenager. As far as I'm concerned, I am a writer - whether my writing's spoken or written in a blog, paper, book or printed on the side of a submarine.
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I'll have to look into [Washington] D.C. a bit more. I know it's given over to the administration and the bureaucracy connected to it. It's a super-organism of the American state. But there's also a parallel city in there where normal people live.
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He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass.
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I don't have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day.
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I've lived in the UK for longer than I lived in Ireland. I'm not worried about myself, but it's ridiculous for youngsters.
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I do not walk around imaging myself to be intimidating or smart.
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You’re not going to learn anything if you’re not prepared to go flat, so I’m very happy to go flat.
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I don't want to do the same thing over and over again.
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Shame is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs in the world, anyway, built into religion.
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It's easy to smile when you have a squirrel's intellect.
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It's true that I have spoken about doing a book before, but then everyone you speak to is planning to write a book.
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Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.
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I can't relax here. These people have no pubic hair anywhere. We have pubic hair on the ceiling.
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It should not be an act of social disobedience to light a cigarette. Unless you're actually a doctor working at an incubator.
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You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
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You can laugh at somebody because they are innocent, and because they are naive or they are about to walk into a wall, but if somebody's giving you stuff, if somebody's talking, giving you their take on things, what makes you laugh, generally speaking, is going to be somebody who is telling it in an angry way.
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You can see desperation in people who are too eager to laugh because they're in such a hurry not to look at what's confronting them in their lives and that's kind of sad because there's a kind of pornographic aspect to it, of making some sort of pain go away, of hovering around a pain, making yourself numb, not feel anything.
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What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can't even walk straight.
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You learn very very quickly that it is mostly about swearing, actually. That's all you're doing, swearing, in a box with wheels.
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