Quote

When did you ever hear of a child not in need? 'Oh that's enough jam tart for me, I'll just go now and clean the toilets.'

Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran
Age: 52
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Child
Ever
Need
Tart
Enough
Tarts
Children
Jam
Needs
Toilets
Clean
Hear

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I have used that song [50ft Queenie] and I'm a big PJ Harvey fan. I think she's fantastic.
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Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.
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If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a lift, I could write a better song on the walls.
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Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.
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I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised yeah, it's a similar feeling, sure.
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I don't want to do the same thing over and over again.
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You know what you are? You're a beard with an idiot hanging off it.
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Eggs! They're not a food, they belong in no group! They're just farts clothed in substance!
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You’re not going to learn anything if you’re not prepared to go flat, so I’m very happy to go flat.
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You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
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Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, Don't go outside! Or inside! Get into the cupboard with some spinach! When I was a child they'd kick you out and you weren't expected to come back until there were bats!
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Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know mobile phone tumours - far more likely in the city. Well you know what, so is everything else! Including sex, coffee and conversation.
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I never thought I want to do anything, really, except not go to work properly and turn up at the same place every day and eat sandwiches in the same canteen, if I can possibly help it, as I don't think I'd be very good at it.
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The terror of failure can make you feel like a failure. So a bunch of people think you're not very good at your thing. How much do you invest in what they say? How much do you care? Failure is not putting yourself on the line.
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I dislike both of [candidates] but there's obviously no choice in the election - if you're concerned about the future of anything, you need to vote for Hillary Clinton.
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You know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...This is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
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I don't have lungs anymore! Just two spare bags that flew in under a bridge one day.
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I did throw a lot of eggs into one basket, as you do in your teenage years - 'I am buying these records, I am wearing this'. I did quite a bit of that. You have to do it, wear your stupid shoes, wear your stupid hair.
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I do not walk around imaging myself to be intimidating or smart.
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Two young, fit, healthy attractive people in love? There’s nothing worse to look at in the world.
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