Quote

When did you ever hear of a child not in need? 'Oh that's enough jam tart for me, I'll just go now and clean the toilets.'

Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Needs
Toilets
Clean
Hear
Child
Ever
Need
Tart
Enough
Tarts
Children
Jam

More quotes by Dylan Moran

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I really can't describe what my stand-up is like - people see it and they say it's like that, or it's like this, and that's really up to them, that's fine, but I don't sit around all day analysing it. I just try and enjoy a show and interest myself because if I don't do that then I won't interest anybody else.
Dylan Moran
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Fruit... it's just God showing off. Look at all the colours I know!
Dylan Moran
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Lots of comics try stuff out all year round, which is very sensible - I don't.
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A lot of the fiction I read growing up was post-war American, and not all of it centers on Manhattan, but around people of the Mad Men generation, people like John Cheever and, in more modern times, Don DeLillo, who I always mention.
Dylan Moran
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Wow this place is really big isn't it? They must do proper stuff here, like opera and all that...shite.
Dylan Moran
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I wish I was like you! You know startled by direct sunlight.
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If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads.
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Two young, fit, healthy attractive people in love? There’s nothing worse to look at in the world.
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I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised yeah, it's a similar feeling, sure.
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The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.
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I don't go around thinking of myself as a great anything.
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I'm fascinated by how you'll change your position so many times over a lifetime, but really what you're doing is occupying a series of positions on a landscape.
Dylan Moran
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You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself.
Dylan Moran
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Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.
Dylan Moran
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I know there's similar dissatisfaction in America. There's a lot of white people who come from blue collar backgrounds and who feel ill-equipped and badly served by modern economics and the modern job market.
Dylan Moran
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You're supposed to eat the cows. They're great big lumbering stupid things - they'd be everywhere if we didn't eat them.
Dylan Moran
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America is this incredible mosaic of immigrants, so people really want to be anchored in some kind of culture as well as the one they are living in.
Dylan Moran
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Why do I even dare to think I could dream I could imagine I could hope?!
Dylan Moran
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You learn very very quickly that it is mostly about swearing, actually. That's all you're doing, swearing, in a box with wheels.
Dylan Moran
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I never really had a career, to be honest with you. I never in my life sat down and planned it. I have thought, 'Oh, I'd like to do this,' like anybody would. But I'm not the type that says, 'If I do this, it will lead to that.'
Dylan Moran