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I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.
Dylan Moran
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Dylan Moran
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Stand
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Twists
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Twist
More quotes by Dylan Moran
If you covered a broom handle with oil and shoved it up my arse, then put me on a trampoline, in a lift, I could write a better song on the walls.
Dylan Moran
You’re not going to learn anything if you’re not prepared to go flat, so I’m very happy to go flat.
Dylan Moran
In my personal life, my family makes me laugh more than anybody I think that is the same for everybody. I certainly hope it is.
Dylan Moran
I grew up in a house where there was lots of teasing and language play and laughter it was very important. When I was a teenager, you wouldn't go to a bar and find lots of televisions everywhere. People were talking. Talk was the mental fire you would gather around in the evening. It occupied a big part of your existence.
Dylan Moran
I think a lot of the time you just parody yourself.
Dylan Moran
I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised yeah, it's a similar feeling, sure.
Dylan Moran
You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
Dylan Moran
Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.
Dylan Moran
I don't want to do the same thing over and over again.
Dylan Moran
You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?'
Dylan Moran
The characters can't be wittier than people are in real life. They have to be character witty.
Dylan Moran
I feel very very old. My hair hurts. I have buttocks all over my body and I can't even smoke properly any more. I don't have lungs, I just have two poppadoms in here.
Dylan Moran
You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself.
Dylan Moran
I have used that song [50ft Queenie] and I'm a big PJ Harvey fan. I think she's fantastic.
Dylan Moran
You should be as alive as you can, until you're totally dead!
Dylan Moran
I never really had a career, to be honest with you. I never in my life sat down and planned it. I have thought, 'Oh, I'd like to do this,' like anybody would. But I'm not the type that says, 'If I do this, it will lead to that.'
Dylan Moran
I quite fancy the 1940s. I like the trams and the trousers.
Dylan Moran
I'm fascinated by how you'll change your position so many times over a lifetime, but really what you're doing is occupying a series of positions on a landscape.
Dylan Moran
Kids, they are always hurting themselves. It's like, Quick, get me to casualty quick! while your doing something important like sitting down picking your ear.
Dylan Moran
Then you get these articles about how unhealthy life is in the city. You know mobile phone tumours - far more likely in the city. Well you know what, so is everything else! Including sex, coffee and conversation.
Dylan Moran
