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I don't want to do panel games or adverts. I really like challenges. I always get roles as an art teacher or a photographer. In the future I want to play something like a mugger/assassin/pastry chef.

Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Art
Assassins
Play
Chef
Mugger
Something
Photographer
Muggers
Really
Roles
Pastry
Always
Teacher
Pastries
Like
Challenges
Assassin
Games
Adverts
Future
Panel

More quotes by Dylan Moran

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I suppose the best comedy shows do have the rock n' roll feeling - if it's a great night, and the roof is raised yeah, it's a similar feeling, sure.
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When did you ever hear of a child not in need? 'Oh that's enough jam tart for me, I'll just go now and clean the toilets.'
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The East is very mysterious to Westerners. Even post-Cold War, it's still an unknown entity.
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I've been writing since I was very young, even before I was a teenager. As far as I'm concerned, I am a writer - whether my writing's spoken or written in a blog, paper, book or printed on the side of a submarine.
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I really can't describe what my stand-up is like - people see it and they say it's like that, or it's like this, and that's really up to them, that's fine, but I don't sit around all day analysing it. I just try and enjoy a show and interest myself because if I don't do that then I won't interest anybody else.
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You know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...This is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
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I don't know that you're able to measure your aggregate wisdom as you go through life. I can't say that I ever feel that I'm sitting on top of a growing mound of wisdom.
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Tequila? It's not even a drink. It's a way for having the cops around without using a phone.
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I wanted to show off - a simple impulse or drive in much the same way as some kids wanted to play football, I wanted to show off. Not complicated in that sense, very natural it just depends on how you want to show off.
Dylan Moran
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You cannot over estimate how infantile men are about sex! Men are people that have sex BECAUSE they have a headache... or are on fire, or have been shot in the head, or whatever it is!
Dylan Moran
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What are children anyway? Midget drunks. They greet you in the morning by kneeing you in the face and talking gibberish. They can't even walk straight.
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America is this incredible mosaic of immigrants, so people really want to be anchored in some kind of culture as well as the one they are living in.
Dylan Moran
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Don't do it! Stay away from your potential. You'll mess it up, it's potential, leave it. Anyway, it's like your bank balance - you always have a lot less than you think.
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If you're talking about crowd enthusiasm, it varies. I have a decent following in Australia so I like there. I'm interested in playing everywhere.
Dylan Moran
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Religion is the yeast of death cakes. It is the most awful agent on a vulnerable mind. It's the refuge of alienated and lonely people. It's what people had before television. It yokes people together into an imaginary world. It is just people talking to their imaginary friends, at length. I wouldn't mind, but some of the people are world leaders.
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I did throw a lot of eggs into one basket, as you do in your teenage years - 'I am buying these records, I am wearing this'. I did quite a bit of that. You have to do it, wear your stupid shoes, wear your stupid hair.
Dylan Moran
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I have no qualifications to do anything else and there weren't any formal application forms you had to fill in for stand-up, so I thought I'd give that a twist.
Dylan Moran
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You’re not going to learn anything if you’re not prepared to go flat, so I’m very happy to go flat.
Dylan Moran
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The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.
Dylan Moran
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I know there's similar dissatisfaction in America. There's a lot of white people who come from blue collar backgrounds and who feel ill-equipped and badly served by modern economics and the modern job market.
Dylan Moran