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The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.

Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran
Age: 52
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Humor
Funny
Jobs
Truth
Constitutionally
Incapable
Ordinary

More quotes by Dylan Moran

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Lots of comics try stuff out all year round, which is very sensible - I don't.
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You should be as alive as you can, until you're totally dead!
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Look at his face. I bet his cornflakes try to crawl out of the bowl.
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I've always wanted to visit [Washington]. The Smithsonian has some fantastic archival material on blues music, which I'm really into. There's a ton of stuff I want to do there. but it just never happened.
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Wow this place is really big isn't it? They must do proper stuff here, like opera and all that...shite.
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I've lived in the UK for longer than I lived in Ireland. I'm not worried about myself, but it's ridiculous for youngsters.
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You’re not going to learn anything if you’re not prepared to go flat, so I’m very happy to go flat.
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Have I had therapy? I went to a yoga class once.
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I'm fascinated by how you'll change your position so many times over a lifetime, but really what you're doing is occupying a series of positions on a landscape.
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He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass.
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You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...
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You can't please everyone, nor should you seek to, because then you won't please anyone, least of all yourself.
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You know it's a sad day when your child looks at you and asks 'Daddy, are these organic?'
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I think you should, yeah. You should wash your beard, then shave it off, nail it to a Frisbee and fling it over a rainbow.
Dylan Moran
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Children are very overprotected now, in lots of ways. We're very nervous about them. You know, people go, Don't go outside! Or inside! Get into the cupboard with some spinach! When I was a child they'd kick you out and you weren't expected to come back until there were bats!
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I'll have to look into [Washington] D.C. a bit more. I know it's given over to the administration and the bureaucracy connected to it. It's a super-organism of the American state. But there's also a parallel city in there where normal people live.
Dylan Moran
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I'm not drunk onstage, although I've done that a couple of times when I was younger. It's partly just the way I talk - I talk like somebody in a rocking chair. I'm your 150-year-old grandmother.
Dylan Moran
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Because their bones are growing, they can only sleep in certain positions, obviously. The crucifix and the swastika tend to be the most popular. Sometimes a combination of the two.
Dylan Moran
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Oh how I hate you. I hate you so much it gives me energy. I have to get up early in the morning just to hate you, because there's not enough time in the day! Please GO AWAY!
Dylan Moran
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Kids, they are always hurting themselves. It's like, Quick, get me to casualty quick! while your doing something important like sitting down picking your ear.
Dylan Moran