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The truth is that I'm constitutionally incapable of doing an ordinary job.

Dylan Moran

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Dylan Moran
Age: 53
Born: 1971
Born: November 3
Comedian
Film Actor
Screenwriter
Television Actor
Dylan William Moran
Ordinary
Humor
Funny
Jobs
Truth
Constitutionally
Incapable

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I'm actually about as famous as a fourth division footballer from the 70s.
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In the same way, there is some creature gnawing away inside of me, urging me to do things in different ways.
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If I hadn't done this I might have ended up digging the roads.
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There's always a host of voices you're inspired by. I love Don DeLillo, and I love Isaac Bashevis Singer, and I love Beckett, and I love Pinter. He's one of the funniest voices in English literature since Dickens.
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You achieve the surreal jokes through the realism by making it elastic.
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Shame is one of the greatest aphrodisiacs in the world, anyway, built into religion.
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I dont watch a whole lot of stand up. Mainly I prefer to read writers they make me laugh the most. Something gets you when youre alone and someones voice is coming through their work. Theres a different quality to it that stays with you a bit more.
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I really can't describe what my stand-up is like - people see it and they say it's like that, or it's like this, and that's really up to them, that's fine, but I don't sit around all day analysing it. I just try and enjoy a show and interest myself because if I don't do that then I won't interest anybody else.
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Have I had therapy? I went to a yoga class once.
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Money can't buy you love, but it can get you some really good chocolate ginger biscuits.
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You’re not an adult at all - you're just a tall child holding a beer, having conversations you don't understand...
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I'm quite a compulsive person-I only worked this out recently - I'm compulsive, but I'm also very indecisive. I don't know what I want, but I know that I want it now.
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You can see desperation in people who are too eager to laugh because they're in such a hurry not to look at what's confronting them in their lives and that's kind of sad because there's a kind of pornographic aspect to it, of making some sort of pain go away, of hovering around a pain, making yourself numb, not feel anything.
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He could dismiss several schools of philosophy by shifting slightly in his chair or toting his whisky glass.
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You learn very very quickly that it is mostly about swearing, actually. That's all you're doing, swearing, in a box with wheels.
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You should be as alive as you can, until you're totally dead!
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Fruit... it's just God showing off. Look at all the colours I know!
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America's work ethic is non-stop it's not even enshrined in law that workers have to get their two weeks holiday money. But Americans work harder than everyone else I can think of.
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You know, just sometimes, in between the first cigarette with coffee in the morning to that four hundredth glass of cornershop piss at 3am, you do sometimes look at yourself and think...This is fantastic. I'm in heaven.
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I'm just trying to understand what's around me as much as anyone else is, really. To draw a bead on a moving target.
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