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I don't think there's hardly a comic out there that does clean material all the way around. There's a couple of guys that are clean, but I'm not one of them.

Drew Carey

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Drew Carey
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: May 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Improviser
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Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Cleveland
Ohio
Drew Allison Carey
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More quotes by Drew Carey

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Things don't make me nearly as happy as talking and having a beer with my friends. And that's something everyone can do.
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Everybody in Hollywood loves symbolic gestures.
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I tried out for 'Jeopardy' once, when they came to Cleveland, but I didn't make it.
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Libertarians are essentially what the Republicans were 30 years ago. Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label.
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When I did Comic Relief, I did it to be on the show it's a badge of honor as a comedian to do that show.
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If you're wearing a Bluetooth thing and you've got that thing on your belt, you are working for somebody else. You are not the guy in charge. That's a really good social status indicator.
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I'm the kind of person that likes what I'm doing when I'm doing it.
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Nothing's funny about someone who's successful.
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Listen, you don't know any better so I'll just tell you. You can't try to save money by not having the right beer. You know, you can skip having medical insurance, you can buy everything you own at a swap meet but the right beer is what makes living like this possible.
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But I don't want to lose touch with things like eating in Bob's Big Boy.
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Like I said, all comedy is based on exaggeration, big or small, whatever you can get away with.
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For 'Power of 10,' you can look at the methodology at CBS.com, it's a company called Rasmussen Reports. We poll thousands and thousands of people for each question, a real cross section of the United States.
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My cranky cardiologist says I'm destined to die in the kitchen.
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We'll never see national shows with 45 shares again.
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Yeah, apparently chasing a bus uses different muscles than sitting and eating.
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It doesn't matter how smart you are to audition for 'Jeopardy,' you just have to luck out and know what they're asking you that day.
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I remember when I took a temp job... so I got a job at a department store. Something temporary to put on my resume, my parents said. Yeah... till I die!
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What good is democracy if you can't get what you want?
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I just try to get people to laugh - I'm not trying to change the world or anything.
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I actually was worried about the pounding, but I actually love running more than working out on the elliptical. Now if I get on the elliptical, I feel like I'm trapped.
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