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I don't care if my jokes are appropriate for a kid.

Drew Carey

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Drew Carey
Age: 66
Born: 1958
Born: May 23
Actor
Comedian
Film Actor
Improviser
Photographer
Screenwriter
Singer
Television Actor
Voice Actor
Cleveland
Ohio
Drew Allison Carey
Appropriate
Jokes
Kids
Care

More quotes by Drew Carey

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Libertarians are essentially what the Republicans were 30 years ago. Abraham Lincoln, Teddy Roosevelt, Richard Nixon, Ronald Reagan. They'd all fit more under the Libertarian label than the modern day Republican label.
Drew Carey
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I wish I could end every rap song I didn't like with a buzzer.
Drew Carey
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I'm competitive at everything.
Drew Carey
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Boy, a drive-through liquor store. God bless America! A place where you can drive through and buy whiskey, beer... just the thing for that drunk driver who's constantly on the go. Cant stop now! I've got places to go, people to hit!
Drew Carey
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You say tomato, I say bourbon and coke.
Drew Carey
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The Marines gave me a really strong sense of discipline and a work ethic that kicks in at my job.
Drew Carey
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If you're wearing a Bluetooth thing and you've got that thing on your belt, you are working for somebody else. You are not the guy in charge. That's a really good social status indicator.
Drew Carey
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International soccer has been a big part of my love for the sport. I love the Men's National Team. I can say that they're my favorite sports team.
Drew Carey
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Why is everybody afraid of going to Heaven? You want to be here with the smog and the sin and bad people and the war? Or do you want to be in Heaven, sitting next to Jesus, you know?
Drew Carey
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I've always got stuff in my head in case I meet somebody like Steven Spielberg or someone like that, where I can hopefully say something to them that nobody else has ever said and get a laugh out of them.
Drew Carey
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We'll never see national shows with 45 shares again.
Drew Carey
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When I play poker, I don't like losing the pot.
Drew Carey
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And for you kids watching at home, remember, the less homework you do and the closer you sit to the TV, the more points you get.
Drew Carey
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Living in Hollywood, you can get disconnected from everybody. You can feel like you are the only one.
Drew Carey
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TV is easier: it's all planned out for you, and the audience is there to see a show and they are all pumped up, but when you are in a comedy club, you have to be really funny to win them over. To me, that's more pure.
Drew Carey
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Being a celebrity you always get really good seats to sporting events but you never get as good seats as the photographers get. And I really love sports. So one of the scams I have going now is I want to learn sports photography so I can get better seats at a sporting event.
Drew Carey
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My cranky cardiologist says I'm destined to die in the kitchen.
Drew Carey
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I'd buy joke books and try doing them at school I always had jokes. That would be my go-to thing at parties: I'd be able to get through them if I just told enough jokes. Otherwise, I wouldn't end up talking to anybody.
Drew Carey
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The best thing about Las Vegas is that no one pretends to be responsible for your behavior like they do in the rest of the country. There's no meddling self-righteous liberals or right-wing Christian demagogues telling you that you can't do something fun with your own time and money. If you can afford it, it's yours.
Drew Carey
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Learn how to set goals. That's the key to everything. That includes designing your own success. You define what the goal is, it's not somebody else's goal, it's yours.
Drew Carey