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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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Is there anything more attractive than a woman in high heels and low self esteem?
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
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Many television weather-women were one abusive parent away from prostitution.
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Cities with a black middle class provide the narrow minded an opportunity to realize that cultural differences are largely economic.
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Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
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The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
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Someday I'd like to be a father, not of a human child, but something more reasonable.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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Learn to think for yourself, unless of course you can identify someone else with better judgement, and a flashlight.
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Living by the beach means feeling guilty about never going to the beach.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
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I don't know if it's the economy, but finding work as a spiritual guru is really hard. Maybe I should grow my hair out.
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Dov Davidoff
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Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
Dov Davidoff
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
Dov Davidoff