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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
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The Statue of Liberty really is profound, I just wish she'd lighten up a bit.
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Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
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I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
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Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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I consider myself a patriot, but not for the traditional reasons. I'm just really passionate about apple pie.
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I would imagine that most of the people who consider themselves successful aren't, at least in the ways that really matter-myself included.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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Only bugs can truly appreciate the beauty of flowers.
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Violence is never the answer, unless you don't feel like talking.
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I find anger so comforting. It's like a blanket made of unresolved issues, but it's a blanket none the less.
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It's a wonder you don't see the zebra being trotted out as a metaphor for racial harmony more often.
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Whoever said life without love isn't worth living didn't own an iPhone. These things are great.
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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