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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
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How come the term 'threesome' is always used in a sexual context? What, nobody plays string instruments any more?
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
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If you love sleep, you'll really enjoy death.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
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When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.
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Is it a bad sign when someone asks you about the person your dating and a tear falls from your eye as you leap into oncoming traffic?
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Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
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Fear can be a great motivator, just not during foreplay.
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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
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Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
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People that say I'm really sensitive rarely are.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
Dov Davidoff