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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Brain damage and stupidity are very different things, but can have similar effects on the wearer.
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
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Comedy is rarely funny.
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The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
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Upside of being an attractive woman if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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If I do marry, I'll expect a pretty serious dowry. I'm talking goats, pigs, chickens, the works.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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Please reduce the expectation in your tone when asking me how my day is going.
Dov Davidoff
The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
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Skin heads are doing an awful job of promoting racism. You guys need to loosen up, and for god's sake would it kill you to smile.
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Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.
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I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
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Laughing at ones own attempt at humor while saying things just come to me should be punishable by death.
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Every time I see someone taking care of a baby, I think why in the world would anyone willingly saddle themselves with that responsibility?
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
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I think you have a lot to offer... not necessarily as a person, but as an organ donor.
Dov Davidoff