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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Taxes
School
Steal
Jewish
Stealing
Dad
Car

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Next time I spank a girl during sex, I'll say, this is going to hurt me more than it will you.
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Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
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Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
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The entertainment business is to business what plastic flowers are to flowers.
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A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
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Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
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It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
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Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
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I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
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When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
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The more I get to know people, the less I know about people.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
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Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
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