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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Stealing
Dad
Car
Taxes
School
Steal
Jewish

More quotes by Dov Davidoff

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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
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Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
Dov Davidoff
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People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
Dov Davidoff
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Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.
Dov Davidoff
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
Dov Davidoff
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Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
Dov Davidoff
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
Dov Davidoff
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
Dov Davidoff
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I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
Dov Davidoff
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I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.
Dov Davidoff
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America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.
Dov Davidoff
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If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
Dov Davidoff
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People shouldn't take my lack of interest in what they're saying personally. I don't really care about what I'm saying most of the time.
Dov Davidoff
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No one understands the way I feel about things I don't understand.
Dov Davidoff
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The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
Dov Davidoff
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Looking into blood doping. I think it will allow me to write jokes with greater intensity, and for a longer period of time.
Dov Davidoff
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
Dov Davidoff
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
Dov Davidoff
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Fountains are more romantic when you don't hate the person you're with.
Dov Davidoff