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Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Fellows
Treated
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Men
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Anyone who says I would never hit a woman hasn't met my x girlfriend.
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We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.
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When I was a kid I remember thinking, if I had a girl, I would treat her really well. Little did I know, they don't always like that.
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The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
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Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
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When being interviewed by a woman for a job, never begin with listen up doll face.
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MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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I like shitty strip clubs. They look like what they are. I know what to expect. Unlike Congress, at least we know everybody is for sale.
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Gotta get rid of these free radicals, but first I need to figure out what they are.
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Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
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I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
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When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
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