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Suicide is like the ejector button in the cockpit of an F-15. If life goes into a permanent tail spin, it's nice to know the option is there.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Do you ever have one of those weeks where you know nothings gonna go right?
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Heard someone say children are god's gift to the world. What world are you referring to? And what's your definition of gift?
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Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
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People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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If you got it, flaunt it may be decent advice for prostitutes, but no one else.
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
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America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
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We should create a holiday that celebrates money for what it is, essentially worthless paper, upon which we agree to pretend it has value.
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Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
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You can't assume the best about people. If I get a girl home and she takes her pants off, and it looks like she's got herpes, I can't afford to assume she got stung by a pack of bees.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
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I wonder if anybody ever decided to commit suicide, then thought but first I'm going to stop by that taco place I like so much.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
Dov Davidoff
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The quality of a restaurant's food is inversely proportioned to the amount of fun its staff seems to be having.
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Living one's life with unguarded vulnerability is one of the keys to happiness. It's also one of the keys to getting mugged.
Dov Davidoff