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When maintaining a relationship means diminishing your self, it's time to walk.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Mean
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Diminishing
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Walk
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Self

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Sleep is over rated, then again so is being awake.
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Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
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Was thinking of taking a yoga class, then realized I wasn't gay. Whew. Close one.
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My bedroom is so messy, if I died of natural causes, the cops would be like no he didn't, clearly there was a struggle.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
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Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
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Writing good jokes requires effort. Think I'll just start dressing funnier.
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Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
Dov Davidoff
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
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Horoscopes, like bad sitcoms, are created for people that I don't relate to.
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Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
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If you're an adult and still think material wealth leads to happiness, might I suggest not being a moron.
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Life is fragile, unless your in the NFL in which case you'll need to wear padding.
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Do you love me for me?... I don't even love me for me.
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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
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Statistically speaking, when a woman says I'm not going to have sex with you, she'll often have sex with you.
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America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
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Maybe necrophiliacs are just people that want to have sex without a lot of talking.
Dov Davidoff