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If you hug someone goodbye and their response is what the hell are you doing? - you may want to examine you're definition of close friend.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
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All politicians promise that which they cannot deliver. I just wish they did so less gleefully.
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I'm no quitter, unless it comes to human relationships or math and science.
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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Perhaps depression is a perfectly natural reaction to the human condition.
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My job as a comedian is to heighten awareness about locally grown produce, fight factory farming, and promote euthanasia, but in a funny way.
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Pine nuts pound for pound are more expensive than most varieties of smoked salmon. There I said it.
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Mirrors at the gym only serve to remind me that I'm less of a man than I'd like to be.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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What is sex addiction? I asked a doctor and the guys goes, Sex addiction... People will end up doing something they don't want to do just for sex. Isn't that called a first date, man? If sex was the result of something I wanted to do, there'd be condoms all over my PlayStation.
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We're in this together usually means I'm here for you, unless it requires me getting into my car anywhere near rush hour.
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Being homeless is awful, but if you've ever tried to wrestle a duvet cover back onto a comforter you realise it's not without it's benefits.
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