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Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
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Women want a man who is sensitive, but god forbid you can't get it up after being frightened by a small woodland animal.
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It's difficult to feel silly and depressed at the same time, but I manage.
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I've decided to retreat to the spirit world where I feel appreciated and understood.
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It's a shame that physical beauty often has such a negative effect on its occupant.
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I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.
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America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
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Everybody's angry with me because, apparently, I outed my cousin during an argument over a turkey leg. My cousin goes, 'You had the last leg.' I was like, 'You're gay.
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Suicide is a terrible idea, but if you're going to end it, do so at a Pinkberry near you.
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A lot of people in a LA need to take a break from taking a break.
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Upside of being an attractive woman if you're remotely intelligent, people will treat you like you're brilliant. Downside: same thing.
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Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.
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False humility is thinly veiled ego disguised as self confidence.
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My dad was old school Jewish. Not do your taxes Jewish - steal your car Jewish.
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I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
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I wish that every other guy were gay. Think about the leverage that would create in your relationship.
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Fear can be a great motivator, just not during foreplay.
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Animals look at people the way people look at people that might mug them.
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Few things interest me more than the things people don't say.
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Guys don't use the word pretty enough. Like, hey Mike, did you get that shirt at the game? Looks really pretty on you.
Dov Davidoff