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Canadians are like Americans, just less racist, violent, and ignorant.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
MTV has turned more young women into whores than poverty.
Dov Davidoff
Just saw a woman with a t-shirt that said southern and sassy, it's all good. Well madame, I beg to differ, it is in fact, not 'all good'.
Dov Davidoff
Just saw a t-shirt at the gym said, body by torture. That's a lot less ironic if you're a political prisoner in the Middle East.
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Not sure how I feel about reality. I'm going to begin purchasing stuffed animals and endowing them with the qualities people in my life lack.
Dov Davidoff
Please use anger for something positive like hurting people that deserve it or writing jokes.
Dov Davidoff
Thinking about the fathomless cruelty with which man has treated his fellow man, but also ice cream.
Dov Davidoff
Why hasn't anyone opened a night club named 'No Drugs Allowed, Wink, Wink'?
Dov Davidoff
America's objective in the Middle East is to create democracy in the same way that my goal on a first date to feed women.
Dov Davidoff
A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
Dov Davidoff
I'd put my faith in god, but I haven't met him, and I've been hurt before.
Dov Davidoff
Hanging out with women on a platonic level is like spending time with someone from Europe. It's not better or worse, but it is different.
Dov Davidoff
The downside of aging is a slower metabolism and achy joints.The upside is a knowledge of self that prevents one from behaving like a baboon.
Dov Davidoff
Nike store won't accept my Starbucks card as payment. Come on guys, just do it.
Dov Davidoff
Cheerleaders are simultaneously everything that is right and wrong with the world.
Dov Davidoff
Love is a crocodile just above the water line waiting to attack the innocent herbivore of my freedom.
Dov Davidoff
When cornered, a rattle snake can become so angry it's been known to bite itself, which is exactly how I feel in traffic and relationships.
Dov Davidoff
Comedy is rarely funny.
Dov Davidoff
Every time I see a happy couple I want to give them a polygraph.
Dov Davidoff
I've decided to become gay, not in a sexual way, but I am going to start picking up around the house.
Dov Davidoff
If only St. Valentine was around to see his memory celebrated through the mindless marketing of whipping cream and lingerie.
Dov Davidoff