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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.

Dov Davidoff

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Dov Davidoff
Explain
Dog
Protect
Need
Hard
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Guard

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Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
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Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
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The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
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People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
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Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
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America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
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America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
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A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
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Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
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I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.
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People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
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Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
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