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Hard to explain to a guard dog that you need it to protect you from yourself.
Dov Davidoff
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Dov Davidoff
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More quotes by Dov Davidoff
Fake titties are inversely proportioned to their owners level of self esteem. This being said, part of me loves them.
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Gay men greet each other just like straight guys do... If one of the straight guys saved the other one's life.
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Few things are as uniquely painful as bad comedy, and the realization that the human mind is a house of mirrors with no entrance and no exit.
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Lack of sleep is only bad if you have to drive, or think, or talk, or move.
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The human spirit is indomitable, unless your talking specifically about the people I know.
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If only you understood the way I felt... it wouldn't help much because I don't really like you as a person.
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Bad sign when the thought of your x-girlfriend sends you reeling in a search for new adjectives to describe stupidity and thoughtlessness?
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Domestic violence isn't funny, especially if you live together.
Dov Davidoff
People increase their use of the term 'sir' when their angry. Little do they know, it only causes me to feel more like I'm wearing a top hat.
Dov Davidoff
Health food would seem healthier if the people that sold it looked less unhealthy.
Dov Davidoff
America has so much debt, if she were a person she'd need a co-signer to get a car loan.
Dov Davidoff
America is a hot chick with a bad personality. Take her seriously and you'll end up hating yourself.
Dov Davidoff
A picture is worth a thousand words, but conversations with them generally end in dissapointment.
Dov Davidoff
Stop thanking god for your parking spot. He had nothing to do with it, and if he did, I want nothing to do with him.
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I'm neither professional fighter nor physicist, therefore on some level I will always consider myself a failure.
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People would be so much more interesting if they'd behave like who they are, and not like what they think others expect them to be.
Dov Davidoff
Facebook is great for getting upset about things people say even though you haven't seen them in 12 years.
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You can't fool the American people - politician trying to fool the American people.
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Big black guys fear air travel almost as much as old white women fear big black guys.
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Money can't buy happiness, unless you're favorite hooker's name is 'Happiness'.
Dov Davidoff